The Deep Oneshots Part 2

incorrect quotes

Ant : Don't ask me what I'm talking about. I don't know, okay? I'm just the vessel. The message has been gifted. I've moved on.

Maddy: I was put on this earth to do one thing.
Maddy: Luckily I forgot what it was so I can do whatever I want.

Alpheus : Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces.
Alpheus : *waves their finger and sings like they're in a Disney Channel intro*

Alana : I'm gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

Alpheus : I'm gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

Fontaine to Ant: I'd make fun of your height but there isn't enough to make fun of.

Fontaine : Hello, McDonald's, I would like to purchase 130 chicken nuggets. Prepare yourselves.

Ant : Hey, aren't you Alana ?
Alana : You a cop?
Ant : No.
Alana : Then yes, I am.

Fontaine : The universe is cold and unfeeling. The only constant is chaos.
Alpheus : Was that place out of chocolate-chip pancakes again?

Alpheus : That's greatly offensive to my people.
Ant: Guardian dropouts?

Finn: Thank you for not saying "I told you so."
Alana : When you're as right as I am, you don't have to say it

Maddy: That was the worst throw ever. Of all time.
Ant : Not my fault. Somebody put a wall in the way.

Maddy: What? I'm not aggressive!
Finn: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips?
Maddy: Survival of the fittest, b*tch.

Alpheus : *shatters a window and climbs through it*
Alpheus : *turns around and helps Finn through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Finn.
Finn: Okay.

Alpheus : Given the circumstances, I will let you hug me for four to five seconds.
Ant: Forty five seconds?!?
Alpheus : No! I said four TO five seconds.
Ant, hugging Alpheus : Too late.

Finn: Did Fontaine just tell me they loved me for the first time?
Alana : Yeah, they did.
Finn: And did I just do finger guns back?
Alana : Yeah, you did.

Finn: Who knew getting in trouble would be so impossible?
Alpheus : I gotta give you credit, Ant . You make it look easy.
Ant : Years of practice

Alana : WHO ATE MY BREAD?!
Alana : I'M GOING TO FUCKING K-
Veronica: I did?
Alana: Kiss you and buy some more, you haven't been eating anything today Veronica.
*walking away*
Veronica:
Veronica: Their gone.
Maddy , coming out from behind the stall with bread stuffed in their mouth: Twankh uh!

Ant : Any advice before Maddy and I fight?
Fontaine : Don't wet yourself in public.
Ant : Not the kind of advice I was looking for!

Finn: how's the most beautiful person in the world?
Fontaine: *blushing* i-
Alana, butting into the conversation: Veronica is perfect, thanks for asking.

Finn: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call?
Maddy: No. No, Finn, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Finn calls Fontaine. Number five: Alana gets eaten by a shark.
Alana : I'm Alana , and I approve the order of that list.

*The squad is playing a team sport*
Alpheus : Are you upset you don't get to be on the same team as Alana ?
Veronica: Have you ever played a game with Alana ?
Alpheus : No...
Maddy : Have you ever been trapped in a cage with a wolverine?
*Meanwhile, on the other side of the field*
Alana , chasing Finn: I SAID FASTER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD "FASTER" MEANS? IT MEANS MORE FAST!!!!

Finn: I haven't slept in seventy-three hours.
Alana: Eighty. Democratically elected leader of insomnia.
Alpheus : B*tch, it's been ninety for me. I'm going for an even one hundred.
Ant: You guys are f*cking terrifying.

Kaiko: Why did you kidnap Ant !?!?!
Fontaine: Ah- um- well- the reason for that is, uhh...
Alpheus: Sometimes, we must work together towards a common goal.
Kaiko : NOT TO KIDNAP PEOPLE!

Thanks for reading please leave any thoughts or suggestions in the comments and feel free to use any of my ideas or oc's in your own works!!!