begin again | woosan

- ten -

tw / descriptions of abuse

san and wooyoung walked together in silence, wooyoung holding onto the older's hand tightly. san was able to tell that the boy's mind was still a bit cloudy, meaning he could be triggered more easily. it worried san, but right now, he just wanted to do whatever he could for wooyoung to feel comfortable.

"san?" wooyoung asked in a whisper.

"yeah?"

"thank you... a-and i'm sorry, really... i-i know you're not him, i-i just—"

"shh... i know, woo. you don't have to explain. you don't have to be sorry, either. you didn't do anything wrong."

"i just... i-i feel bad that almost every time we hang out i-i have a stupid panic attack..."

"hey... woo, your panic attacks are not stupid. i don't know exactly what happened to you and i don't expect you to tell me either, but clearly whatever your ex did to you hurt you a lot. if this is how your body and mind is reacting to that, it's okay. i'm glad you trust me enough to let me see you in such a vulnerable state and help you through your panic attacks. don't feel bad for that, yeah?"

"i-i can't help it..."

"i know... it's hard, isn't it? that's okay though, i'll always be willing to reassure you."

"thank you, san..."

san nodded and gently gave wooyoung's hand a squeeze, then the two walked for a while in silence. they soon found a park, wooyoung's eyes lighting up a bit as they made their way over to the swings.

"you know, i could tell from the moment we got to the restaurant that something was off," san admitted.

"really?"

"mhmm... you looked more tired than usual. at first i assumed it was because of finals, because i know everyone's been pretty exhausted because of them. but then i noticed that the exhaustion in your eyes was not the same as the exhaustion in everyone else's."

"o-oh..."

"you weren't your usual self, woo... i knew something was up."

"i—" wooyoung quickly stopped himself from apologizing, knowing that san would just tell him he had nothing to be sorry about.

"were you about to apologize?"

wooyoung blushed a bit and nodded, resting his hands in his lap.

"i'm glad you stopped yourself, you know me well," san chuckled softly, a small smile appearing on wooyoung's face in return. "that's why i asked if you were doing okay earlier..."

"mm... makes sense."

san nodded, gently reaching for wooyoung's hand again.

"are you doing a bit better now?"

"honestly... n-not really. i'm trying, but my head hurts a-and my mind is just really jumbled."

"that's okay. just talk through things with me, yeah? keep yourself grounded..."

wooyoung nodded weakly, playing with san's fingers a bit and chewing slightly at his lip before beginning to speak.

"i-i had a really bad nightmare last night. i-it was from the last time i s-saw my ex... um... he hurt me really bad that night... i-i had finally gotten the courage to try and b-break up with him a-and he wasn't happy with that..."

"mm... i see..."

"h-he hurt me a lot, san... b-but it had never been that bad... um... w-well... he called me a lot of names that night... worse names than in the past... h-he told me i was a worthless slut, n-nothing but a body to be used... a-and... h-he hit me. he did so much... i-i could barely walk when i left, i-i had to call seonghwa to pick me up b-because i knew i wouldn't be able to make it home..."