begin again | woosan

- twenty four -

tw / eating disorder, weight, severe panic attack

no matter how much wooyoung tried, he couldn't sleep. in fact, it had been three days since he had actually slept for more than an hour or two. nightmares plagued his mind, and he felt as though he were suffocating every time he closed his eyes. he decided he was better off just not sleeping, thinking this was a way he could avoid the memories that ruined him, but he was wrong. he could barely make it out of the house without having a panic attack now, and seonghwa and yeosang were getting worried.

"woo, baby? have you had breakfast yet?" seonghwa asked softly as the boy entered the living room, dressed for the class that they had in a little under an hour.

"mm, not hungry."

"wooyoung... you can't go to class without eating something. it doesn't have to be big, but i need you to eat."

"i'm not hungry, seonghwa," wooyoung snapped.

yeosang frowned at his best friends' interaction, then walked up to wooyoung and gently took his hand.

"come with me," the older whispered.

wooyoung nodded and followed yeosang into the kitchen, where the younger rolled his eyes.

"i'm not hungry, yeosang. what about that do you guys not understand?!"

"shh... youngie, i just want you to listen to me, okay?"

wooyoung nodded, clenching his jaw after letting out a sigh.

"i know you might not be hungry right now, or maybe you are and you just don't feel like eating, but do you remember what happened the last time you went to class without eating? you ended up fainting and feeling sick for the rest of the day. i don't want that to happen to you again, woo. neither of us do. that was really scary, okay? we don't want to see that happen again. even if you don't eat all of it right now, can you please choose something to at least bring with you?"

wooyoung was silent, his thoughts eating him alive. he shouldn't eat, he couldn't. eating meant gaining weight, and no one would love him if he gained weight.

"please, woo? it doesn't have to be anything big, just something to fill you up so that you have energy to burn when we're at dance."

"no. i-i can't, sangie... i-i'm not hungry."

yeosang sighed, hurriedly blinking away tears in hopes that wooyoung wouldn't notice.

"okay, fine. but grab a water. and i'm choosing something for you so you'll have a snack available if you want it."

wooyoung groaned and rolled his eyes, grabbing a water and leaving the kitchen. he went back to his room, frowning when he saw he had no messages from san yet, and the panicked feeling began to set in again.

"fuck... p-please, no... n-not right now," he whispered, beginning to pull at his hair.

when wooyoung finally thought he had things under control a few minutes later, he made his way out of his room and the three roommates headed to their class. it was there that wooyoung began to lose control again, trying to work through the panicked feeling as they learned the next techniques. he pushed through until everything was overwhelming, and suddenly he began to feel like he was going to be sick again.

a quick water break was granted, and wooyoung quickly grabbed his phone and ran to the bathroom, using all the energy he had left in him. he collapsed to the ground as he made it into a stall, frantically locking the door and struggling to unlock his phone, his eyes becoming blurred with tears.

"san... s-san, need san," wooyoung muttered to himself, finally getting to san's contact and calling the boy.

there was no answer to his first call, wooyoung beginning to see spots in his vision and desperately calling again. this time, san answered on the second ring.