begin again | woosan

- ninety three -

tw / disordered eating habits, small panic attack, brief mentions of past abuse

the first few days were easier than wooyoung thought they would be, but that didn't mean it was all sunshine and rainbows either.

he cried a lot. and he struggled to figure out why he felt like crying so much, which was ultimately frustrating for the boy. the stress over his emotions didn't have a good effect on him either. the boy was having a hard time eating all that much in one sitting, and this only frustrated him more.

it was on the fourth day that san decided to mention it, seeing how obvious the boy's frustration was with everything going on.

"love? can we talk?" san asked softly, gently rubbing the boy's side.

"about what?" wooyoung responded curiously.

"about you... i know you've been extra frustrated recently. and i also know you've been having a hard time eating again. do you know what's going on?"

"no... i-i don't. that's what's frustrating me," wooyoung breathed out.

san nodded, caressing the boy's hip gently. san was obviously lost in thought, trying to figure out what was going on with his lovely wooyoung so he could best provide for the younger.

"my body just isn't letting me eat, sannie... after a few bites, it feels like my throat closes up and i can't swallow anymore," the boy explained. "i don't know why..."

"could it be stress?"

"maybe... i did used to starve myself when i was stressed... it kept me from throwing up and making him angry."

san tensed, his grip on wooyoung tightening just slightly.

"woo... baby, if this is a response your body is having to being stressed, we need to figure out a way to get nutrients into you. just a couple bites won't do much."

"i don't know how, sannie... my body rejects everything after a certain point," wooyoung whimpered, tears brimming his eyes.

"wooyoung... my love, it's okay. we're going to figure this out together, yeah? it's going to be okay," san soothed, gently cupping the boy's cheeks.

"b-but what if we can't... sannie i don't want to end up in the hospital again, i'm scared..." wooyoung cried, and suddenly san's entire world stopped.

that's what wooyoung was so frustrated about. not being able to eat made it harder for him to get the nutrients he needed, and that could land him in the hospital if it got too far. the hospital brought back traumatic memories for the boy, san knew this. they all knew how much he hated the hospital. especially after hearing about how he woke up having a panic attack in the hospital during his most recent visit.

"oh, my angel... i won't let it get to that point, i promise. i know you don't like the hospital, baby... i know. i won't make you unless it's our only option, okay?"

"no... n-no hospital!" wooyoung cried, starting to grab fistfuls of his hair.

"baby... baby, look at me," san whispered softly, recognizing that wooyoung had entered a panicked state.

"no hospital! i-i'm not going!"

"woo, lovebug, you're not going to the hospital. look at me, please," san said calmly, trying to help the boy focus.

"i-if i go h-he'll be able to find me! h-he'll hurt me, i-i'm not going, i can't."

san was a bit confused at what wooyoung was talking about, but he tensed in worry the second the words fell from the younger's lips.