begin again | woosan

- eighty two -

tw / suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt

it took two weeks for wooyoung to start accepting the diagnosis he had been given and even then, he wasn't sure how to feel. those two weeks were rough on everyone, especially yeosang and san.

wooyoung tried to avoid everyone over those two weeks, but he was especially cold towards his best friend and boyfriend. san struggled to sleep during this period, yeosang struggled to sleep and eat, and jongho was stuck watching the two most important people in his life suffer because they didn't know how to help wooyoung accept the truth.

after the first week, jongho packed a couple of bags for him and san, texted seonghwa asking if they could stay over, and forced san out of his bed and into the shower, telling him they were going to stay at wooyoung's for a bit.

a few days later was the worst day yet for san and yeosang. wooyoung had a panic attack early in the morning, not letting anyone in at first. bada was barking, trying to get help for the boy, but wooyoung, even in his vulnerable state, was stubborn. eventually, seonghwa went in and helped the boy to calm down, falling asleep in his arms, but it hurt yeosang and san a lot.

later in the day, jongho decided to talk to wooyoung himself. he was confused, he didn't understand why the boy was resisting help from the two people he needed the most.

"hey... wooyoung?"

"hm?"

"can i come in?"

"sure..." the boy said softly, trying to focus on brushing through bada's fur.

"can you tell me what's going on? please? i know we're not that close, but i just can't stand this anymore. yeosang and san are hurting because they want to help you and you're resisting their help. did they do something?"

"no. they didn't do anything."

"so why? why aren't you letting them help?"

"i don't want help anymore, jongho. i give up."

"give up? what?"

"i'm done trying. i can't do this anymore, i don't want to suffer any longer. it'll be so much easier to go this way."

"go? wooyoung, you're not going anywhere," jongho shook his head. "we all care and love you so much, okay? i know you've been struggling for a long time, but i promise, you're getting there. i know you're not the happiest about your diagnosis either, but it's going to help you. this will only help to speed up the process to getting where you want to be."

"i can't wait anymore, jongho... i'm done fighting, i can't," wooyoung whimpered.

"wooyoung, please..." jongho whispered, sitting down beside the boy and taking his hand. "please keep fighting. if not for yourself, for all of the people who love you. for san, for yeosang, for seonghwa, yunho, mingi, hongjoong, and for me. we all love you and we all want to do whatever we can to help you, okay? please just keep hanging on for us..."

"i'm all done... no more, jongho... p-please leave me alone..."

"i'm not leaving until i know it's going to be safe to leave you alone."

"please... please go, jongho."

"no. absolutely not. i'm not letting my best friend lose the best thing that's ever happened to him. and i'm not letting the best thing that's ever happened to me lose his best friend."

"seonghwa hyung!" wooyoung yelled.

within a moment's notice, seonghwa was at the door, worried about the younger.