Book 2 of Midnight Rain
"I hate how I let you treat me," I admitted, "I hate that you felt like I couldn't love you hard enough and I hate that you did what you did. It was really fucking shitty Elizabeth. You keep saying you're sorry, but I just do...
Lizzie Olsen Good morning, I'm on my way to my lawyer's office now but I wanted to wish you a good day x
Tasha I'll come by and drop off your clothes later x
Vanessa Three years ago today
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And good morning world.
Monday mornings are never fun. They're especially not fun when you wake up to three messages from three different girls, all of whom you have been with romantically.
I hate how cold New York is at the moment too. Don't get me wrong, it's fucking gorgeous but sometimes I like to feel my toes when I'm walking to work, and I love when my nose isn't bright red as soon as I walk into the office. But at least I get to wake up to a warm apartment. Silver linings and all that.
Lizzie landed in LA last night when I was asleep, but I knew she was going to spend today getting the divorce papers sorted and signed. The twins were joining her at her home in Laurel Canyon tomorrow to help with packing and then on Thursday they were all coming back to New York. I agreed last night to help her move stuff in on Saturday as I won't be at work. She was grateful for any help I could give, and I can't lie, the feeling that this time next week she would be free of a toxic marriage makes me really fucking happy for her. She deserves to be happy, whether that be with me or someone else. That is what this has all been about, Lizzie's happiness. I know I told her she would have to work for my love, but I think deep down we both knew she already had my heart. She always had done but I couldn't give myself to her fully until she was on her own. Until the divorce is finalised, I am not letting myself go there. For my own heart and for my state of mind.
Let's not tell her that though, hey?
Natasha hadn't been in contact since Saturday night, but I wasn't expecting her to, to be honest. I knew she was upset and rightfully so. She ended it because I didn't have the balls to. I sincerely hope we can still be friends but I'm not holding out for it. We never were just friends. Clearly, I have an issue with just being friends with people ... it never seems to work out that way in the end. I did want my clothes back though and I assume she would want hers too, not that they fit me very well, it was just nice to have a few things of each other's around the other's home.
As I got ready for work this morning, a sense of familiarity and nostalgia slapped me right across the face as Frank Sinatra started playing very loudly from the apartment above me. Both of our windows were open, so I heard all the lyrics very clearly as they danced into my bedroom. Visuals of Lizzie's youthful stride took over my mind at the memories of us dancing together around her university house in London and again on our first and only holiday together. When I had finished getting ready, I opened the kitchen windows to keep the sound of the distant music blaring into my home as the tune switched to none other than Cheri, Cheri Lady by Modern Talking, mine and Vanessa's song. Smiling to myself, I switched on my coffee machine and positioned my phone on the side to send a video to Vanessa in response to her previous message.
