Regret Me

Emblematic

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SHOUTING AT ME?" Ashley ironically shouted across Lizzie's lounge.

MK and I were sat next to each other, exchanging glances every so often as her sisters went off at each other. Throwing insults and a few valid points across the room, I think they had been at it for about an hour now. At first MK and I tried to intervene and stop them, holding one back each but then we decided to give up. We sat down and let them get it all out. I thought it would be over in a matter of minutes but then I went to make tea and when I came back, they were still screaming. MK went to get some biscuits for us to share and when we had finished the fourth or fifth, they were still screaming. Lizzie's voice was now going horse from the volume at which she was expressing her points and Ashley's face was flushed a deep red, her hands flailing around the whole room.

"YOU ARE LITERALLY SHOUTING AT ME," Lizzie screamed in response.

"I think you're both shouting at each other," MK spoke up calmly.

"DON'T TRY AND GET INVOLVED NOW MARY-KATE," Ashley screamed at her twin.

"I tried," MK mumbled to me, sipping her tea.

"Good effort," I nodded back to her as the sisters stared each other down.

The volume dropped as quickly as it started, and they just stood and stared at each other.

"Maybe we should-" I started.

"Maybe you should stay out of it," Ashley snapped at me.

"Don't talk to her like that, what the fuck is wrong with you," Lizzie replied, walking towards her older sister, "do you know how much I've been through this week? I just got out of a horrible marriage. I know you won't understand because your husband is basically God incarnate but it's really fucking shit. Being married to someone who hates you, it sucks. It makes you question your own worth. Sometimes I think that maybe I deserve it because that's what he told me. He told me that I was ungrateful, I was stupid, I was a bitch. You name it, he called me it. And now I'm free. I'm free Ashley. I got back the love of my life after I fucked it up seven fucking years ago and the first thing I get in response is you shouting at me."

"Liz-"

"NO," she shouted back to her, cutting her off, "I was literally bleeding on the fucking kitchen floor, and you stood there having a go at me. You're supposed to be my big sister. You're supposed to love me no matter what but instead of being there for me like MK was, like Y/N/N was ... you scolded me and then when I called to talk to you, you started shouting at me. I know how much of a horrible person I've become. I know it, you don't need to remind me. I hate myself. Hell, I don't even want to be alive most days. Sometimes I think that maybe all of your fucking lives would've been easier without me. Maybe if I just- if I just wasn't here anymore ... maybe- maybe you could all live a lovely fucking life but unfortunately, I am, I'm here and I'm sorry but I am."

Lizzie was now breathing heavily, looking around the silent room at the three of us. None of us really knew what to say next. I knew she was feeling shit, but I didn't know it was that bad. I hate that Robbie has made her think that the world would be better without her because that couldn't be further from the truth. Standing up, I walked toward her and wrapped my arms around her body, pulling her into a soft hug.

"No," she exhaled, "don't hug me, I'm gonna cry."

"You can cry," I nodded, still hugging her.

"No," she sniffled, "no, let go of me p-please."

I shook my head, "you asked me to stay, so I'm staying."

"Please," she cried softly.

I shook my head again, "I love you," I whispered into her ear, kissing the side of her head.