Regret Me

Early morning

My phone woke both me and Lizzie up three days later. I was asleep in her arms when the jarring sound of ringing echoed through her bedroom.

"What is that," she groaned.

"Someone's calling me," I whispered, reaching over to the bedside table and furrowing my brows when Vanessa's name filled the screen.

"Hey," she sobbed down the line.

"Ness? What's wrong?" I asked, sitting up and forcing Lizzie wide awake next to me.

She reached over and turned on the lamp, looking at me with confusion.

"I-It's Dad," Vanessa cried heavily.

"Hey, breath, you're okay," I assured her, "take a deep breath for me."

She took a shaky breath in and out and kept crying harder and harder down the phone. Without hesitation, I switched over to FaceTime and watched as her puffy eyes appeared in front of me. She was wearing one of my old shirts, her hair pulled back into a messy bun and the walls of her childhood bedroom suddenly surrounded her.

"What's happened?" I asked calmly.

"H-he was fine but- he- he's gone Y/N/N," she sobbed, covering her mouth with her hand to quiet her wails.

My heart shattered in two. Her dad was diagnosed with thyroid cancer a year into our relationship and had been through many rounds of chemo, always slipping back into the disease. He had the kindest heart. His English was poor but we always said he loved me a million times because his Vanessa loves me a million times. She never told him we broke up, just that I moved away. She knew it would upset him so she planned on telling him when he was better. We all thought he was going to get better. But since I left London, it must've gotten worse.

"I'm so sorry," I frowned, "I'm so so sorry Ness."

"He can't be gone," she cried, "he- he was fine, he can't be gone."

"Where's your mum?" I asked.

She shook her head, "I don't know, the hospital maybe."

"Is anyone there with you?" I sighed.

She shook her head again, "no one knew him like you did. He loves you so much and he- he's gone ... he's never going to- he's never going to meet my kids o-or read your book. Who's going to walk me down the aisle? He- he's- what do I do with all this love? Where do I put it?"

"He was such a good man, Vanessa," I smiled sadly, "he was an amazing dad and your kids are going to have the best grandpa ... they just don't know it. You don't need to put your love anywhere, okay? Keep it in your heart. Store it because you can't give that love to anyone else. Keep it safe and then when you see him again, he can have it back. Everything is going to be okay, all right?"

Lizzie reached over and grabbed my hand, holding onto it tightly and rubbing her thumb over the back of it.

"You're going to be okay," I nodded, my own eyes glossing over.

"I need you right now," Vanessa exhaled, leaning her head in her hands, "I need you Y/N, I wish you were here..."

"Go," Lizzie whispered.

I furrowed my brows and looked down at her where she was nodding quickly.

"Go," she repeated, "she needs you; I'll be okay."

I nodded slowly and looked back at Vanessa who was trying to calm her breathing in front of me.

"I'll be there by the end of the week," I told her.

Vanessa shook her head, "you can't leave New York just for this, I won't let you. You need to be there. Elizabeth needs you, work needs you. I'll be fine."