Regret Me

Keep Living

Lizzie's POV

Tell me how someone keeps living after losing a child.

I don't know if child is the right word to use because they were barely bigger than a foetus, but they were ours and I don't know how to keep living happily after the fact. We had both processed this differently and that's fine, but I can't even think about potentially having a child anytime soon because every time I think about it, my heart hurts and I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, so I've thrown all my energy into wedding planning.

Y/N had opted for a form fitting white jumpsuit. The top was strapless and had a simple floral pattern that held up her breasts while the bottoms were slightly baggier as the waist was cinched in. She had also decided that she couldn't wear heals so she's got a shiny pair of white doc martens while I was wearing a pair of white ballet pumps and a plain long white dress with a simple floral detailing at the bottom. We wedding dress shopped together because fuck the rules that I can't see my bride before the wedding, it's bullshit in my opinion so everything to do with the ceremony, we've done together. As an early wedding gift, our families chipped in and paid for us to travel to Bali for two weeks which saved me a lot of stress when trying to plan the honeymoon as well. With one month till the wedding, everything was up in the air and the only solid thing that didn't stress me out was my fiancé who was peacefully leaning against me with a coffee on her lap and a book in her hand, her engagement ring shining in the light of the room. I kissed the top of her head, and she looked up at me with a small smile, puckered her lips and encouraged me to give her a short kiss.

"You okay?" she asked, putting her book down.

I hummed and nodded, "just a bit stressed about ... everything."

"It's all sorted now," she reminded me, "everything for the wedding is paid for and planned, we just need to show up."

"I know," I nodded, "what if you decide you don't want to marry me when it comes down to it?"

"That's not gonna happen," she laughed, "you don't need to be worried about me leaving you Lizzie, you're quite literally stuck with me now."

I laughed out my nose and nodded again, "what if I trip when I walk down the aisle?"

"We can all have a laugh, and we have a funny little story from the day for our future kids," she smiled.

I hummed and kissed her head again, "I'm still not happy you haven't told your mum about the baby."

"We decided we'd tell her after the wedding, so we didn't need to think about it for a short period," she replied quickly.

"I know, I just- I feel like I'm lying to her," I exhaled, "I want to be as close to your family as you are to mine."

"They love you Liz," she reminded me, "it's just because they live in London that we don't see them more often but they're coming over in 2 weeks and then you'll want to never see them again."

I laughed out my nose and shook my head, "do you not miss them?"

"I miss Scarlet and Jessie," she nodded, "I love my family, but they haven't been there for me like Scarlo has so ... she's my family and Jessie's my family."

"I'm looking forward to meeting her baby," I mumbled against the top of Y/N's head.

She nodded quickly, "now that everything is sorted for the wedding, can we talk about kids again?"

"What would you like to talk about?" I frowned slightly.

"I don't know if I'm ready to start trying again," she admitted.