Regret Me

Broken

"I got one more box of pregnancy tests to be delivered in the shopping," I yawned, sitting down next to Lizzie with tired eyes.

She smiled sadly over at me and nodded, sipping her glass of wine, "I spoke to Mom."

"About us trying to get pregnant?" I checked.

She nodded once more, "I- I couldn't keep lying to her."

"I get it ... I just spoke to Scarlet about it," I told her.

She exhaled shakily out of her nose and leaned her head on my shoulder, linking our hands together in my lap and raising her legs up so they were also on the couch, both of our eyes watching the quiet reruns of Glee on the TV.

"Who else were you speaking to?" Lizzie asked me.

"No-one," I lied, "Scarlet passed me over to Jessie, so I was talking to him."

"Oh," she whispered, sipping her drink again, "you tell me everything, right?"

"Yeah, pretty much," I lied again.

She hummed and bit her bottom lip, "I need to talk to you about something then."

"That doesn't sound good," I admitted.

"It's just a thought, nothing's happened ... I just need to talk about it because it's eating me up and I- I don't want to keep anything from you, I've done that before and-"

"Hey," I cut her off, giving her hand a gentle squeeze, "what's wrong Liz?"

"For the first time since school, the only thing I can that will dull this gut wrenching feeling is- is hurting myself," she admitted all in one breath.

I sighed and saddened the look in my eyes as I thought of my response, "I really want to drink."

"So we're both broken," she decided, finishing the rest of her wine and passing me the glass.

"What-"

"What if we both just go off the edge together?" she asked.

"I don't want to go off the edge Lizzie," I furrowed my brows, pushing her to sit up, "I don't want to be broken ... I've been broken and I've gone off the edge and I never want to be that person again; it's taken me half of my life to fix myself."

"I can't hold it together anymore Y/N," she told me, "but I can't lose you so maybe we should just fall apart with each other-"

"Do you hear how fucked up and toxic you sound?"

"Don't play the responsible one now," she bit back wobbly, obviously slightly intoxicated.

"I think you've had enough wine," I decided, taking her glass and the bottle and walking off into the kitchen.

"You don't own me, if I want another glass, I'll damn well have another glass," she laughed, taking the wine glass from my hand and pouring the biggest glass of wine ever.

"Don't be ridiculous Elizabeth," I shook my head.

"What does it matter? Nothing matters Y/N, can't you see that, nothing means anything, this whole world- it's all just fucking confetti ... I can't- I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE," she shouted, making me flinch subconsciously.

"Don't- don't shout at me, please," I exhaled shakily, my eyes glossing over, "we can disagree and argue and be angry but don't shout at me Elizabeth ... not when I haven't done anything wrong."

"You haven't done anything wrong?" she asked sarcastically.

"What could I have possibly done? I've done nothing but be supportive this whole fucking time- do you not think this has been hard on me too?" I frowned.