Regret Me

Easing up

"Hello, I'm Elizabeth Olsen and I'm here with Buzz Feed to discuss my new movie and answer some of your guys questions," Lizzie smiled on my phone screen.

Lying in bed the following morning, my suitcase already packed for tomorrow afternoon when I flew back to New York so I was simply passing the time now. Lizzie's first interview for the new movie came up on my YouTube feed as soon as I opened my phone, a smile entering my face.

"Okay," Liz beamed, holding up a board, "how is Elizabeth Olsen? I'm great, thanks for asking," she giggled.

I bit my cheek and watched in admiration as she answered question after question until I almost sensed her anxiety through the phone screen when a question about her sexuality came up.

"You're fine Liz," I muttered before I realised, she couldn't actually hear me, and this interview wasn't live.

"What is Elizbeth Olsen's sexuality," she spoke, looking at the question instead of the camera, "I'm bisexual."

I smiled at her honestly and nodded to myself.

"Who is Elizabeth Olsen's girlfriend," she continued with a new small smile, "her name is Y/N, and she is ... pretty perfect."

"That's my girl," I whispered as there was a knock on the door.

Locking my phone, I hummed a yes and looked towards the entrance of my bedroom where Mum was standing holding a cup of tea. I furrowed my brows and sat up.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" I asked.

"It's the last full day, you're here, I wanted to spend some time with you," she replied, handing me the mug and sitting down on the side of my bed.

"Thanks," I mumbled, leaning my back against the headboard and looking over at her intensely.

"I don't know why we're not close anymore," she smiled sadly.

I shrugged my shoulders, "we're not not close."

"Is it something that I've done?" she pushed.

"I've just grown up," I replied, "I'm not the same little girl anymore ... a lot has happened in my life that you weren't there for and I've had to learn how to deal with it on my own."

"I want to be there for you," she sighed.

"You're a really good mum," I nodded, "you're a perfect mum to Ehren but you're just ... not so perfect to me I guess."

"I never wanted to make you feel like that darling," she furrowed her brows, "you know I love you both the same."

"I never said anything about love," I reminded her, nodding slowly and looking down into my mug, "you know, I've done a whole lot of thinking recently, about love to be specific, and I now know what it feels like to be loved wholeheartedly."

"I do love you Y/N/N, I've never said anything-"

"You didn't have to," I cut her off, "since I left that fucking anorexia hospital when I was 17, you've never treated me the same. I can't do it anymore Mum. I want you in my life, but I don't think we're ever going to be close again and you need to learn to live with that. I love Elizabeth, we're starting a family, and you can either be the most amazing grandparent to our kids or you can be absent and never know this part of me."

"I never wanted to be absent," she frowned, "I've just been so busy with looking after this family and your brother's autism maybe got in the way-"

"Don't use Ehren as an excuse for your shitty mothering," I cut her off again.

"Maybe I will go to work after all," she decided, standing up, "what time is your flight tomorrow?"

"1 pm," I muttered, bringing my knees up to my chest.