Regret Me

On shift

I love being an actress, I really do, but when I have to be on set at 4.30 in the morning, I really really fucking hate it.

Y/N being the obnoxious little shit she is was still fast asleep when I left the house this morning and she would still be fast asleep by the time I wrap at midday. Last night I told her I needed to be awake early, and she thought it would then be a really funny idea to spoon me under the duvet as soon as I closed my eyes. I should also mention that we were both naked. As fun as it was to have her head between my legs at midnight last night, I am really feeling the late night now standing in front of the harsh stage lighting in front of the camera. We were about three-quarters of the way through filming the first few scenes today and I could literally feel my eyes closing.

"Can we get makeup on Lizzie's eyes please!" Azazel shouted from his director's chair.

"Thanks," I giggled sarcastically, my makeup artist coming over to me and applying the second coat of concealer under my eyes.

"How long until lunch?" Natasha asked from her own seat.

"You're done for the day, you can go," Azazel laughed, "I only need Lizzie and Carrie now."

"Yeah, but if I stay here, I get free lunch," Natasha smiled proudly, leaning back on her chair, "take it away Lizzie!"

"Are we good to go?" I asked.

"Yes, yeah, lighting, camera, all good?" he asked.

A few confirmations were echoed by the camera crew before the clapperboard appeared.

"Kitchen scene, scene 2, take 1."

"And ... action," Azazel pointed at us.

"Our dad is dying," Carrie spoke at me as I placed my hands on the sink, bowing my head, "he's dying, and you won't even talk about it."

"I don't want to talk about it," I muttered my lines.

"So ... you're just going to ignore it?" she barked back at me, "what about when he dies? You can't just push your family aside until it's convenient for you Christina!"

I sighed, turning to look at Carrie and shaking my head, "none of this- none of what I'm doing is pushing anyone aside- I'm trying- I'm trying to keep this family together, but nothing is working. Nothing makes me feel better and nothing will so just leave me alone. Let me deal with this in my own way-"

"Was that scripted?" Carrie asked Azazel.

"No," he shook his head, sitting forward, "keep going, improvise."

"You dealing with this means Rachel and I are having to look after Dad," Carrie spoke impromptu, "it's not fair."

"Life's not fair Katie," I shook my head slowly, forcing my eyes to gloss over, "we're all in this boat together so don't, for one second, try to make me feel bad about how I'm feeling."

"CUT," Azazel shouted.

I wiped my eyes and smiled over at him, "I forgot my lines, I have been rehearsing but I-"

"No that was perfect, the original lines are rubbish," he agreed, "was anyone making a note of what she just said?"

"Yep!" a small voice echoed behind us.

"Fantastic, if you have any more last-minute ideas for the script, throw them in," he told me with a big smile.

"Okay," I laughed, nodding slowly.

"Right, I think we can wrap for today," Azazel added.

"What about lunch?" Natasha asked.

"It's midday, you can go and get lunch," he laughed.