Regret Me

Fractured

I woke up the next morning on the couch with Lizzie buried in the crook of my neck, her legs curled up over mine and all of my limbs cramping. But I didn't want to move. I knew that one deeper breath than average would wake her, and she looked so fucking peaceful. Her eye was bruising slightly thanks to Robbie and I'm almost 100% sure she'll have a small scar on her eyebrow, but nothing says lesbian like an eyebrow slit, right? I knew that as soon as Lizzie was awake, she would be worrying again; about her sisters, about Robbie coming back, about packing up her house and moving across the country just to get away from him but always living with the fear that he'd find her again. So, I stayed still. I didn't move and I didn't breathe any harder than I already was. Gently closing my eyes again, Lizzie groaned, and I laughed out my nose, looking back down at her as she smiled shyly and opened her eyes.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey," I mumbled, finally shifting my body away from the position it had been in for the past eight hours and clicking my shoulder back to comfort.

"Better?" Lizzie giggled.

I nodded, "much ... I think we fell asleep."

"Mhm, me too," she smiled, picking up my hand and looking at my purple knuckles, "we should get you to a hospital today."

I nodded again, "can we stay like this for a little bit longer?"

"Yeah," she whispered, laying her head back on my chest and letting out a shaky breath.

I kissed the crown of her head and ran my free hand through her hair, smoothing out the kinks and the curls so it was soft again. She started humming a soft tune as we lay still, listening to the sounds of the world waking up around us. The leaves brushed against the windows and the birds sang in the background of our stillness. The soft world that started growing around us.

"What are you singing?" I whispered.

"The days are wide open," she sang with her soft morning voice, "at the heart of all my joy ... boys are invincible lovers, just begging to be destroyed. They're up in the morning, regretfully sobbing and gone, I bathed and go on back to bed, this was never any cause for alarm ..."

"It seems you have a choice to make," I added to the lyrics with a small smile, "this shell is white and yours to break. Either way, it's just as well, all I needs a promise I can keep, to myself."

"Daisy Jones and the Six," Lizzie whispered, "it reminds me of how we used to be."

I nodded, "it's nostalgic," I agreed.

"I wonder if we would've stayed together all this time," she mumbled.

"I don't know," I admitted, "everything happens for a reason b-but I don't think we would've worked if we stayed together for that long. Neither of us would've matured or grown into who we are now so I don't know. I don't know if we would've stayed together and if we did, I don't think it would've been healthy for either of us."

"I don't believe that," she replied.

I furrowed my brows and looked down at her. She was already looking up at me with a sad look on her face.

"... that everything happens for a reason," she confirmed, "I used to. I used to believe in fate and all of that whore shit but no. Don't sit there and tell me everything happens for a reason. Please don't tell me that everything Robbie has done to me was for a reason. There's no reason why he was so- so cruel and inhuman and- no, no, I don't believe that. It's not fair."

"No, there is no reason," I agreed, "there is no logical reason that anyone would hurt someone they loved but look at how strong you are now. Everything you've gone through has made you who you are. It'll make you a better person, a better partner, a better mum when the time comes. So no, it's not fair, but it's made you incredibly strong."