Regret Me

Waiting Room

The days following the miscarriage were tough.

Lizzie didn't leave me that night, but she had barely said more than three words since. Neither of us had left the house let alone our bedroom and neither of us dared to speak about it. Not even a tear was shed in those days after - it was just an awfully painful purgatory.

"Can I have a hug," Lizzie mumbled next to me, biting her cheek and fiddling with her fingers.

I nodded quickly and shuffled closer, wrapping my arm around her body and letting her lean against me, her breathing uneven and her heartbeat fast.

"You're okay," I whispered, kissing the top of her head.

She nodded in return and wrapped her own arm around my waist, "how are you feeling?"

"I don't know," I mumbled, "it hurts a little less every day."

She hummed in agreement and closed her eyes, "I don't think I can finish this movie."

"There's no rush to go back to work babe," I sighed.

"I know but I- I don't think I can do it ... I can't do it Y/N/N," she sniffled, her hands shaking.

"You don't have to," I frowned, "message your manager and see what she can do ... I'm sure they can recast."

She nodded, "I hate letting people down, but I just need some time away from everything – I just want to be with you in our home back in New York."

"Me too," I admitted, "I think we should tell your mum though."

"Yeah," she whispered, "I'll call and tell her so she's there when we get home..."

I nodded slowly as she pulled out her phone and hovered over her Mum's contact, her thumb shaking slightly.

"Do you want me to do it?" I asked quietly.

She exhaled shakily and nodded, "sorry I- I just can't-"

"It's okay," I mumbled, taking her phone and pressing Jarnie's contact details, holding it to my ear and letting it ring.

"Hey Lizard, how's Spanish life?" Jarnette beamed brightly.

"It's Y/N/N," I smiled sadly.

"Hey sweetheart, is Lizzie filming?" she asked.

"No, she's um- she's here with me actually but w-we needed to tell you something," I exhaled.

"Yeah, sure, what's happened?" she pushed.

"Um Lizzie- she had an um- we had a miscarriage," I mumbled.

"Oh," Jarnie exhaled, "I'm going to book a flight to Madrid."

"We're coming home actually," I replied quickly.

"I'll come to New York," she said instead.

"Please," I nodded, "I'm sorry we had to tell you like this – we didn't want to tell anyone about the pregnancy until the three-month scan but we- we never got there s-so ... yeah."

"I'll be in New York when you get home, okay?"

"Thank you," I exhaled.

"I'm so sorry," she sighed, "I wish there was more I could do."

"It's okay ... we'll be okay."

"Look after her for me," Jarnie mumbled.

I hummed a yes and nodded, "we'll see you in a few days."

"I love you girls," she sighed.

"Love you Mom," Lizzie voiced.

As I hung up the call, Lizzie covered her mouth and let out a quiet sob, her shoulders shaking as she finally cried for the first time since our child passed on. I held her closer and closed my eyes slowly, feeling myself also crying as my tears dripped down on top of Lizzie's head as she buried her face into the crook of my neck.