Regret Me

No luck

"Well?" Lizzie exhaled, looking at me as I held two pregnancy test sticks in my hand.

I shook my head slowly, "no luck."

"Okay," she whispered, taking a seat on the closed toilet, "every single time ... it just- it hurts more and more."

"I know," I sighed, sitting myself on the floor by the bath.

"Why do we keep trying?" she asked me, "it's not going to work, I'm just disappointing you every other week."

"You're not disappointing anyone Liz," I shook my head, "not me, not yourself ... I'm immensely proud of you actually."

She laughed out her nose and smiled at me, "what do we do?"

"Do you want to keep trying?" I asked.

"I don't know," she sighed, "well, I do, but I don't want it to keep failing ... I don't know how much longer I can do this."

"One more time," I suggested, "let's give it one last effort and if that doesn't work, we'll talk about the surgery, okay?"

She nodded and bit her cheek, "it's not going to work."

"It might," I whispered, my chin quivering, "it might work, don't write it off yet."

"I'm not," she sighed, "but we need to be realistic Y/N/N ... we've gone through six boxes of pregnancy tests and every single one is negative."

I nodded in agreement and pulled the sleeves of my jumper over my hands, looking anywhere but Lizzie so I didn't start crying.

"Let's buy one more box," she decided.

"Okay," I whispered.

"Look at me darling," she sighed.

I moved my eyes back to my girlfriend and felt them glossing over as I tried to choke back my emotions.

"We're gonna get through this," she whispered.

I nodded and exhaled shakily as I opened my mouth to talk but instead burst into tears. Bringing my knees up to my chest, Lizzie joined me on the floor and took me into a hug, her arms wrapping around me like a warm blanket as I let myself sob.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this for you," Lizzie mumbled.

"It's not your fault," I sniffled.

"I know," she sighed, "but this is awful, I hate it so much."

I nodded in agreement and exhaled shakily as she pulled away and cupped my cheeks.

"I love you," she smiled sadly, "and because I love you and you love me, I know we'll be okay."

I nodded once more before she connected our lips in a soft kiss. As she pulled away, she held her hands towards me and helped me up off the floor. With a slight groan, I exhaled and smiled sadly at her soft eyes.

"How do you look so pretty after you've cried," she smiled.

"Shut up," I giggled, wiping my eyes, "I look puffy and tired."

She hummed a no and shook her head, "are you hungry? I can make some lunch."

I thought for a second and nodded, "I'll come down in a sec."

"All right, you okay on your own?" she checked.

"Yeah, I'm all right," I smiled weakly.

She nodded back and pecked my lips a few times, "come down when you're ready, okay?"

"I will," I exhaled, watching as she left me and listening until she was all the way down the stairs before shutting the bathroom door and pulling out my phone.