There were moments where Katie felt insecure with only having experienced one relationship before Caitlin. Obviously it was a very long one, but she had only gotten one other persons perspective on things. She had grown up during her 20s adapting her life to make that person happy. That didn't always prove to be a bad thing. But today was another story.
Waking up she could tell Caitlin was a little on edge, with what she wasn't sure maybe she was just tired. But Katie could all tell that at practice it seemed like Caitlin was annoyed with her. And it really didn't help her case when she made a joke at Caitlin's expense to which she received a pair of eye rolls and her girlfriend walking off on her. She wasn't sure what to do. Ruesha never liked to talk about things that were bothering her at practice when they were at camp choosing to ignore everything until later. So that's what Katie did acted like nothing was wrong.
She really didn't help herself out when she decided to go out with Teyah and Vic after practice instead of going back with Caitlin, which even though she had also received an invite, Caitlin politely turned it down and the stared Katie down as she walked away. It wasn't until she got a reminder on her phone for a dinner reservation did Katie remember they were supposed to go out tonight.
Quickly hustling to the nearest store she got Caitlin a bouquet of flowers and headed home.
"Cait! I'm sorry I missed the reservation. I completely forgot. But I know how I can make it up to you!" Katie said with a wink as she tried to lean in to kiss her.
"You're kidding right? You thought you'd be forgiven by buying flowers and having sex with me?"
Katie was dumbfounded for a moment. That's all it took to cheer Ruesha up. That's all she knew. To her that was apologizing.
"Well by the look on your face I guess so. Unbelievable." Caitlin spat back before giving Katie a chance to respond.
Katie had never seen Caitlin so mad. In fact, the two had barely had more than stupid little arguments over what to have for dinner or watch on tv.
"I'm sorry Caitlin I really just completely forgot. You should have reminded me at.."
"Reminded you! How was I going to do that when you were just blabbing your loud mouth all day. Grow up Katie you have a calendar. I'm going to Steph's tonight." Caitlin yelled as she headed out the front door and slammed it shut.
Katie felt very small at the moment. Not only did she not have a single idea what just happened, but all of her insecurities were screaming at her. Not knowing how to handle certain situations besides what she'd learn from Ruesha. Check.
Having someone think she was just loud and obnoxious when in reality that was just her personality and she couldn't help who she was. Check. And finally sitting alone at home in complete silence not knowing what to do. Check.
Katie, despite all of this, realized that Caitlin left without grabbing a single thing. She packed up a change of clothes and her outfit for training tomorrow. Some toilettes and a phone charger. Steph only lived a few minutes away so she headed over and left the bag on the door step, rang the bell, and sadly walked away.
Meanwhile Caitlin had shown up at Steph's door red eyed 10 minutes earlier asking to stay the night. Steph let her in immediately without asking questions. And let Caitlin rant away.
After explaining the events of the day they both heard the door ring, causing Steph to get up and answer it.
"I think it's for you." Steph said looking in the bag and handing it to Caitlin
"Oh you've got to be kidding. She can't even stay at the door? What she's just gonna let me run away and not even try and fight?"
"Cait.. um maybe she was just trying to give you space. Maybe she was just trying to take care of you still while not getting in your way."
"Don't tell me you're defending her."
"No I'm not she messed up missing dinner and everything you listed. But you didn't really give her a chance to talk did you? This is your first fight yeah? Do you know how she'd like you to apologize to her? That's something you guys have to learn together. I've seen the way you two are together. She'd fight for you until the end of the world. Are you sure that's all that's bother info you? I've never seen you this angry."
Caitlin looked down at her hands instead of answering.
"You can tell me Cait."
"It's um the anniversary of when my dad left us. When he walked out. I don't remember him. I just know the date."
"Oh Cait come here." Steph said quickly wrapping her up in a hug as she let Caitlin cry. Not needing to point out that Katie missing a dinner reservation or leaving a bag at the door and walking away were things that did not help Caitlin's emotions today as she was thinking about someone who abandoned her and seemingly forgot about her and her family. Steph could see how easily Caitlin was able to blow this out of proportion.
"Does Katie know that?"
"No.."
"Why don't you tell her after practice tomorrow. Get some sleep and it'll be better tomorrow."
"Okay thanks Steph. Sorry for interrupting your night." Caitlin said taking her toiletries bag to the bathroom. Deep deep down she was thankful Katie brought it but just couldn't get those feelings to the surface.
The next day Caitlin woke up with a clearer mind. She was aware that she was in the wrong for yesterday, but Katie had still played her part.
They gave each other soft smiles in the locker room, but didn't talk. During warmups, Beth yelled across the group, "McCabe you haven't spoken a word today! Yous sick or something?" She said jokingly, but Beth tended to have a tendency to point out the obvious very easily.
"No just trying to stay quiet today." Katie whispered back. Caitlin quickly realized she didn't say it a condescending tone trying to get at Caitlin for what she said yesterday. No she was genuinely trying not to talk today for Caitlin's sake. Because that's what she thought she'd want from her. That made Caitlin's heart shatter.
Practice felt really long for both of them but eventually ended and Caitlin could tell that Katie was internally debating whether to ask Caitlin if she was coming home with her or Steph and paced back and forth before Caitlin grabbed her hand.
"Wait for me?"
Finally. She finally saw a little life return to Katie's eyes as she nodded in agreement.
The ride home was quiet and remained that way until they made it to the couch and sat down looking at one another trying to figure out where to start. It ended up being Katie to start.
"I'm really sorry for missing the reservation. I don't have an excuse for that besides just being forgetful and distracted. I promise I'll reschedule the dinner and I'll never miss another one of our dates again. It really was just a mistake. And um i apologize for being loud at practice. Ill try to tone it down as best I can."
"Katie no im sorry. Please don't change anything about you for me. I accept your apology about the dinner, but I really took it out on you yesterday and you deserve an explanation. Yesterday. Well yesterday was day my dad left us all those years ago. Some years it hits me harder than usual. I don't know why, but yesterday was one of those days and I unfortunately took my anger out on you. I apologize for that."
"Cait I didn't know im so sorry."
"I know you didn't. It's not your fault. It was me in a bad mood that caused us problems."
Katie took her hand in a knowledge meant that Caitlin didn't want to talk about that particular subject anymore for the day.
"I also wanted to say sorry for the flowers and kiss thing. To be honest that's all I've ever known about how to apologize. I'll try to do better for you."
"I think we both just need to communicate better yeah? I could have told you what my feelings were really about. And you could have used your words to apologize like you did just now."
"Deal. Although I hope there aren't too many more of these moments. I don't like hurting you."
"Neither do I darlin"
They finally leaned in for a hug and quick kiss before returning to hugging each other for quite some time.
