Katie was as tough as they come. Both physically and mentally. But at the same time, that was a problem for her. Always thinking she had to be tough and not show emotions or at least hide how bad something was affecting her. Something that she has always been bad at processing was losing a game. Sure some league game were easier to process than others and she could bounce back quicker and some friendlies for Ireland she just wanted to give a good performance and build on their team. But these were Euro qualifications. These games would get her country to their first euro tournament. They had done so well in the first stage, maybe it gave Katie too high of hope. But here she was on the flight back to London after losing another euro qualification game. They were officially not going to make it anymore. And Katie felt empty.
Caitlin of course was in Australia playing her own games. A warm up for the Olympics. Then Caitlin was staying an extra week to visit her family before flying home. It was the longest the couple had been apart since they started dating. And it didn't help that this break apart fell over the date of their one year anniversary. Caitlin's game actually fell on the date of it, so that combined with the time difference meant they barely talked on their anniversary.
None of this was helping Katie's mental stability right now. And without having training at Arsenal there wasn't much to get her out of the house during the week while waiting for Caitlin to return. She went to lunch with Jordan once and claimed that jet lag from Australia and then immediately going to Ireland camp was affecting her still and was the reason for her being so quiet. Ella was a little concerned too with how quiet her usually very loud older sister was, but Katie used the same excuse and just avoided her sister.
Caitlin was definitely missing her girl, but with all of her family events she hadn't had too much time to talk to her. She texted her the day before she was leaving, knowing she wouldn't answer for a while because it was 2 am in London.
C: I can't wait to see you tomorrow baby. I miss you so much 😘
To Caitlin's surprise, Katie answered right away.
K: I've been counting down the minutes until we are back together
C: ❤️❤️ but why are you awake?
K: just couldn't sleep, too busy thinking about what I'm going to do to you when you get back in my arms.
If Caitlin wasn't so horny from not having slept with Katie in almost a month and missing out on anniversary sex maybe she would have made the connection that Katie was deflecting. Maybe she'd realize that Katie was aware that changing the subject quickly would get the attention off of the fact that Katie was awake because she hadn't slept for days thinking about the loss from the last week. But instead Caitlin felt her cheeks flush and immediately wrote back asking Katie to give her a sneak peak into their future rendezvous.
Katie had told Ella that she needed to leave for a few hours the next day because Caitlin and her "needed the house". Ella thought it was disgusting. But instead of letting her opinion known, she decided to check on her sister.
"Are you sure you're okay Katie?"
"For the last time! I'm fine Ella Jesus"
"But you are usually so happy when Caitlin comes home. Did you guys have a fight?"
"No! Caitlin and I are fine. Hence the reason I'm kicking you out."
"Please at least tell Caitlin what's wrong with you." Ella said before turning around grabbing her keys and heading out thinking how she was going to entertain herself for the next hours to come. But first she decided to text Caitlin.
E: hey! Welcome back! I just wanted to let you know I think there's something wrong with Katie. She's been acting weird all week. She'll kill me if she finds out I said something, just take care of her please"
C: oh thanks for letting me know el I had know idea. I'll check on her don't worry.
E: be warned she may bite your head off
C: thanks for the heads up
Caitlin was internally kicking herself. How did she not notice anything was wrong. As caitlin entered the house she immediately saw Katie's smiling face coming towards her. She realized right then that she wouldn't have needed Ella's text to realize something was wrong. Katie's smile was genuine. But her eyes, they were missing the spark, the glow that makes Caitlin's heart swell. But it was the hold on caitlin from Katie's arms around her waist that let her know this was more than just her girlfriend missing her.
They spent a minute hugging both arms wrapped tightly over one another. Caitlin giving katie a quick kiss to the temple.
Katie wanted a distraction from her overthinking this past week and decided her best course of action was to start performing the actions she had texted Caitlin about the day before. She only got two kisses in before Caitlin lightly grabbed her chin and pulled her face gently away from her neck and towards her own lips. She gave her a light, but loving kiss before whispering, " I can tell somethings wrong, can we talk about it please?"
"Nothings wrong!" Katie said not quite as aggressively as she did towards Ella but enough to show irritation
"Baby look at me" Caitlin said very gently again.
And that was Katie's breaking point. She broke into tears. Tears that she hadn't allowed herself to shed. Caitlin immediately wrapped her up in her arms and hung onto Katie's sobbing body until she had calmed down just enough that she didn't have her full body weight on Caitlin. At that point she leaned down picked katie up, wrapping her legs around her waist and walking her to the bathroom. Katie was too emotional to even put up a fight. She sat her down on the counter and kissed both of her cheeks were the tears had left wet trails. Caitlin turned on the bath and underdressed herself and Katie making sure to give her plenty of sweet kisses. Whispering how much she loved her. Then she helped her into the bath and got in behind her. She wrapped her arms and legs around katie tightly to give her that reassurance she wasn't going anywhere.
"Tell me what happened Kates"
"I failed Ireland again. I wasn't good enough. I haven't been good enough in any of these games. We qualified for the World Cup. Failed in the group stage. We did well in the first step for Euros, but haven't performed well at all when it counted. Why can't we take that next step? It's all my fault. I failed them as captain."
"Katie.."
"No I don't want your pity okay. I know it's my fault."
"I wasn't going to say that. I don't think you could be more wrong honestly. You got your country on the map. You've put them in positions for success. And to win trophies. Think back to ten years ago. Ireland wouldn't have even been considered to be in these tournaments. Now teams are scared of you. You're the dark horses, the underdogs. The ones that play tough with a chip on their shoulder and tons of pride for their country. Where do you think those traits were inherited from? I'll give you a hint from a very feisty captain who just happens to wrapped in my arms right now. There are going to be ups and downs. You know that. You have put your country on the right path. And I know even years to come after you retire Irish girls are going to want to play like you. You are thousands of girls role models one of which is a your little sister who just so happens to want to be like you in every way. Do you really think Lauryn cares if you lose one game? No she sees her sister performing in a Euro qualifying game and looking spectacular. And that's bigger than winning any game.
Katie didn't think she had the words for Caitlin right now. She didn't think her words would be enough to thank Caitlin for that. Instead she turned around, looked her in the eyes and told her how much she loved her and how she doesn't deserve her. Caitlin gave her a kiss before katie turned back around and settled back into Caitlin's chest. The days of no sleep finally caught up with her and she fell asleep almost immediately. Caitlin let her until the bath water became too cold to sit in and then she got them both up, dried off, and brought katie immediately to bed and curled up behind her. Making sure to hold on as tight as possible.
