Our Girl Book 1 {Stray Kids Fanfiction}

Chapter 37: Maze of Memories

Lily heard the door open and darted her eyes over to find Chan staring at her. Hearing those commands replay in her memory, she held her breath as tightly as she could and quickly looked away. Seungmin immediately felt her tense under him and held her closer to him. "Chan, leave!" He sternly, yet calmly demanded.

Chan was frozen. Watching Lily react in that way toward him was worse than torture. Desperately, he whispered, "Babygirl- no. I'm so sorry."

"I said leave, Chan! Now!" Seungmin demanded, slightly raising his voice. He could see the pain flooding over Chan and knew he didn't understand exactly what was going on, but Lily's comfort was more important to him in that moment.

Chan slowly backed out of the room as a waterfall of tears streamed down his cheeks.

Seungmin rested the side of his face against the top of her head and gently rubbed her back. "You're ok, my beautiful girl. Can you look at me?" He asked as he cupped her chin and gently lifted so that he could see her face. When her eyes met his, he gave her a soft, comforting smile. "There you are." He whispered as he wiped her tears with his thumb. "Would it be ok if Han came in to sit with you for a little while? I promise, I won't be gone long."

Lily nodded and pulled her head away from his shoulder.

***

Seungmin stepped out of the medbay and walked directly to the group. "Han, I need to you go in there with her. Sing to her- do whatever you have to do to calm her down."

Han nodded and immediately obeyed. The others stared in silence as Seungmin pulled a chair to Chan, who was sobbing into his hands. "Ok, you need to pay attention. That reaction was not Lily, and I hope that you're smart enough to understand what I'm about to tell you."

Chan took a deep breath and nodded as Seungmin began to explain. "Right now, Lily is stuck in a maze of memories. She is getting flashes of memories, but they're not connected. She has no clue which memory leads where. You all already know that if someone is forced to use their safe word, it can cause negative reactions. For instance, impairing cognitive thinking. Not only was she forced to use it; it was ignored. That triggered a fight or flight response. Her thinking was already impaired when you told us JYP was there. Chan, she didn't hear the reason at all. She connected your commands with JYP, but not in a logical way."

Chan's eyes widened, and his heart shattered even more as Seungmin continued.

"Chan, in her mind, the two of you had an intense scene last night. You punished her this morning, so there was already tension between you when you gave her those commands. She was forced to use her safe word, which was ignored. Hearing JYP was probably the icing on the cake. On top of all that, we already know she has manic episodes, which will also drastically distort memories. She was so suddenly slammed with everything at once, I'm surprised she didn't react worse than she did."

Waves of emotions filled the room. The tension and heartbreak in the atmosphere were thick. Chan ran his hands through his hair in exasperation and asked, "How long is this going to last? I can't handle the thought of her thinking the way she is."

Seungmin confidently replied, "As soon as she is calm enough and in the right state of mind to understand. Right now, all the pieces of the puzzle are there, but they're scattered. We'll get them put together. But Chan, you have to be patient with her. She may be reserved with you for a few days, even after she knows the truth. None of us have ever had the safe word used on us. However, I would hope you remember the negative side effects it can naturally bring, even without the added trauma she's experiencing."

Leeknow spoke up with a deeply concerned tone, "Will she be this way with all of us?"

Seungmin hesitantly replied. "It's hard to say right now. I didn't give her a chance to think about it when she woke up. She woke up panicked, so I grabbed her and held her. She didn't look at me until I lifted her face."

***In Medbay***

"Lily?" Han softly muttered as he walked into the room. She never looked up, still unsure of how to behave. Seeing her in the condition was tearing him apart, but he took a deep breath to swallow his emotions and eased toward her. "My love, can I hold you?"

Without looking up, she hesitantly nodded, and through her hitched breaths, she answered, "Yes, sir."

He furrowed his brows and shook his head with disgust, feeling sick to his stomach. "No, plea- Lily, my love. Do not call me that. Not now, not ever." He pleaded as he sat, and pulled her into his lap, cradling her. "Look at me, baby." He instructed, brushing the hair from her eye. "I love you. We all love you." He pressed his lips softly against her forehead before singing one of the songs he had written for her. He rocked her softly to the rhythm, holding her tightly to his chest. He could feel the tension slowly leave her body.
During the second song, which was one of her favorites, she began softly singing with him. He closed his eyes and listened carefully as her beautiful voice blended with his. Suddenly, she asked, "Hannie, what's gonna happen to me?"

He instantly stopped singing and locked eyes with her. "What do you mean, love?"

She shook her head in confusion. "The restaurant- Chan was so mad- and he didn't listen- and then JYP- Chan was talking to him. I don't remember what he said, but he was touching me. Wait, I think he said when yall are done with me-" She suddenly stopped talking and fear consumed her face. She began to sob again. "Chan is sending me back to him, isn't he?"