Hostage- A WWE/ Shield Story

57

Audrey sits with my wife, my daughter and me. Ella demands that she sit next to Audrey. Dean sits with the Twins, and Tina, Tama, and Rosey share a table. Galina takes Joelle to get her food, Audrey just gets water.

Me:
You're not gonna eat?

Audrey:
Are you insane, do you have any idea how many calories that buffet shit is? And it's loaded with MSG and it's all pre-frozen. I'll eat at home, I'm not blowing my diet.

I roll my eyes.

Me:
A few ribs and some fried chicken won't make you morbidly obese, Audrey.

Audrey:
But it will trigger a craving in my brain that will tell me to eat more buffet crap. And then my brain will tell my stomach that I'm still hungry, which will make me continually pick up a plate, fill it with food, and shove that garbage into my body; thusly creating a chain reaction of cravings for junk food and the end result will be that tama will have to hire a forklift operator to lift me up and carry me everywhere because I'll end up being 500 pounds that just went through gastric bypass surgery and is now morbidly obese with type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and I'll have to be put on a heart monitor because I'll be at an increased rate for stroke and coronary artery disease. I'm just gonna drink water....hopefully this isn't loaded with calories and MSG.

Me:
Do you know how stupid you sound right now?

Audrey:
Excuse me for caring about my physical health.

Me:
You're being a drama queen, Sam.

Galina and Joelle return to the table.

Audrey:
I am not, all that can happen if I put that disgusting....stuff in my body.

Galina:
What are you two bickering about?

Me:
Sam refuses to eat the food here because she thinks it'll make her fat.

Galina:
I don't blame her for not wanting to eat here...

Me:
Where's your plate, babe?

Galina:
I'm not eating that garbage, have you gone off the deep end?

Audrey:
(snickering)
No, but Josh did earlier today.

Audrey and I look at one another and howl with laughter. I fist bump her.

Galina:
What's that mean?

Audrey:
Josh threw me off the boat when we took it out, so I faked a cramp and he reached over to help me back in the boat.....and I pulled him overboard.

Galina laughs and high 5's her.

Galina:
You sneaky SNEAKY girl!

Audrey:
Oh, don't worry, sis....I can teach you my ways. I can make it so Roman will fall for anything you say or do.

Me:
Nuh-uh, you ain't corrupting my wife you manipulative little.....(I see my daughter at the table) goofball.

Audrey:
Nice save, bro.

Me:
Don't teach my wife or my daughter anything....I don't wanna come back and find my daughter in an elementary school biker gang and my wife with a rap sheet for assault.

Audrey:
(rolling her eyes)
Who's the drama queen now?

Me:
Shut up.

Galina:
I swear, you two just scream brother/sister.