Loyal Love (Kaisoo)

Chapter 13 : Black sheep

i just stared at them walking further inside .my heartbeat seemed to slow down as i watched them sit down blankly .

xiumin besides yoona and chanyeol while jongin sat down with seungsoo grabbing his hand .
and kissing his temple .

i just wanted to scream. to cry right here and now because i knew that seungsoo was acting like he was me .and i also knew that jongin believed it .that explains why he wanted to know so much about what i talked with jongin .

,, kyungie.. " baeks voice made me turn my head slowly to him .i looked pathetic .my eyes were wide filled with tears and i just stood there looking at him before i couldnt take it and ran into the back of the diner.

i heard him call my name but i didnt care .my tears fell and i could bearly see where i was going .
the next thing i know i end up in one of the changing room wich i quieckly locked .

i stepped a few steps back before letting myself sit onto the cold ground .i was shaking and my tears didnt stop falling .and i didnt want them to stop because crying was sometimes a good destraction.

there i was sitting on the ground and crying like a baby into my lap as i hugged my knees .
i hate everything !
i hate my life !
i never get something good all i get it problems hate and pain .
i'm so sick of it .
how often did i feel done !? how fucking often did i feel hurt !?
the burning in my back is the proof .

i started hitting the wall besides me in anger and frustration .i hit it with the back of my fist only my pinky finger and wrist bone cillided with the wall .along with my elbow harder and harder .
i hit so hard that my fingers all went numb and the small mirror fell from the wall .

and when the sound of the shattering mirror echoed through out the room .. i stoped .

,, kyungsoo stop it open the door !" i could now hear yixings and baeks yells from outside .
but i didnt feel like replying or opening the door. i just stared at the mirror with empty eyes .seeing how the sharps were scatterd all around the floor .
it was beautiful and i couldnt help but touch them not caring that i cut my hand as my fingers ran over them .

i picked the biggest up and examed it .
when i now heard the kicks on the door .probably yixing .
,, kyungsoo .say something !" but it was baek who yelled .

i placed the sharp onto my wrist. not spending anymore tears.
i'm sorry mum .

but then suddenly i looked at the scar beside the sharp .my old attemp and the only attemp until now .

mum ...

fuck , another few tears fell as i remeberd how hurt i was when my mum took her life .and she didnt have any friends .. there was just me . and i got yixing and baekhyun .how hurt would they be .i didnt want to hurt anyone .
i .. i just want to be free .

,, kyungsoo!" the warm embrace of baek pulled me out of my thoughts .yixing had broken down the door .and i looked at him having a hand on baekhyuns back as he looked at me out of breath .

i blinked a few times until i broke down crying again .the sharp had long left my hand and fell to the ground . burrying my head into baekhyuns shoulder i hugged him tight back . not carrying that my back was screaming at me because of the pain .

{♡}

,,love is strong, beautiful, loyal, priceless."

,, stop reading that babysoo, " she chuckled walking closer to my bed .,,those are just stories made up by adults to hide the painful truth ." she walked into the room .

,, but you and dad were in love "

,, yes we were .. but then it betrayed us .it gave us something not both of us wanted "

,, and what ? "

she chuckled ,, thats not importnant now ."

,, but mum .. we love each other too right ?"

,, yes, ofcorse"

,, what if love betrays us too "

,, it wont .. i wont let it " she kissed me on my forehead and pulled the blankets up to my chin
,, now go to sleep "

she lost tho .. because love did betray us. when it didnt stop my mum from jumping out of the window from the house.

,, kyungsoo " i opened my eyes returning from all my memories .

i only saw white this time .

a bright white .i could only dream of .so i turned mostly because i wanted to get my glasses .

thats when i felt a hand running through my hair .
i blinked a few times and a peeping appeard . a steady peeping.

,, kyungsoo " baek ?

,, yeah its me " did i say that loud ?

,, yes you did .. you ok .. do you feel any pain are you having problems with breathing ..are you dizzy .. god youre hands so cold again .." he seemed to panic and i squinted.

,, b-baek ? .. whats wrong ? what happened ?" i asked as i watched his hand towering my hand despredly trying to warm it up .
,, baek .."

he stoped and sniffed .. i blinked a few times not seeing him as good as i would with glasses .
its not that i cant see without glasses .i can see pretty good acually but the glasses help me focus more.

,, i'm sorry kyungie .. i'm so sorry " why was he crying ? whats going on ?

,, baek whats going on ?" i was slowly sitting up .noticing all the wires that were pined to me .
,, what happened ?"

,, youre heart ... kyungie youre heart stoped "

,, w-what ?"

,, why didnt you tell me ?" he was sobbing

,, tell you what !? i dont understand what do you mean my heart stoped !? "

,, you have a desease . its called something like hypotension "
he spoke and i listened not believing or realizing the situation .

,, i... i'm sick?"

he cried again hugging me but i noticed that he did it carefully as i hugged him back .but i was too much into shock to somehow tell him that its ok .

,, youre blood pressure is too low .. you'll get exhausted by the tiniest things .feel dizzy, youre feet and hands get cold and you have trouble breathing and sleeping " it scared me he scared me .the things he said .the symptomes he told me .they all fit to me ..
,, you need a heart donator but.."

,, i wont get one "

,, stop ! dont say that, you will ok dont worry its gonna be alright " i smiled at his hope .
but i knew better.. i'm not that lucky to get a heart donator out of nowhere .its not like they appear out of nowhere .

i could ask myself a thousend times why i deserved this ..
but i would get a thousend times no answer .

because i didnt deserve this and i know it .maby god was just too busy with all the people on the world to give them all happiness .
maby i was just one of the unlucky ones.

A vibrating noise from baekhyun made me look at his phone .
,, ah ... yixing ?" He pucned up and soon a frown appeard on his face .

,, wait what !? " how much could one person possibly take ?
How much could i possibley take .

,, call for help now ! Who is it !? Kyungsoo is with me, hes ok "
Out of thousends of snowwhite sheeps
There had to be at least one
night black one.

,, how did this happen !?"

I was just a black sheep i guess.