Loyal Love (Kaisoo)

Chapter 55 : I just need you

it has been another week and i havent seen my father since forever .

i was wondering where he is and what he was doing now . his words ringing in my head .

you're not my son

i lost him and my mum i lost both of them but in a different way ..
i know my mum loves me and she loved me until her death but my dad doesnt love me anymore .
he's ashamed of me now.
he hates me ..

i opened my eyes to the sunlight from the window. waking up was a beautiful thing somtimes . because i would almost always wake up to kyungsoos beautiful sleeping face besides me.

i liked laying my arm around him and kissing him so softly on his forehead or cheek to not wake him up .

but then on other days he wouldnt get propper sleep at all because nightmares haunt him and he wakes up screaming and struggling around even when i hold him still ..
i would first have to turn the lights on so he could see that it was me before i hug him and let him release all his fristration and sadness .

the fucked up thing was that he had 3 different kinds of nightmares .
one of his stepdad .one from his kidnapping and one that has something to do with his mum but he wouldnt tell me about it. something he did say a lot when he dreamed of her was it belongs to me

i was worried , yet i always am .
he doesnt like when people curse it makes him nervous and he gets scared of someone who curses. so thats what i've been careful about.

this morning he wasnt besides me . sometimes he would wake up early and make breakfast or go to the bathroom. so i sat up and looked over to the bathroom.

this time its early tho.my head turned to let me glance at the digital clock .

6:41

i frowned getting out of bed to walk over to the bathroom . hes in there because its locked .
so i knocked .

,, baby ?, you in there ?"

a small gasp appeard and my frown hardened as i heard a sniff
,, are you ok ?"

he hummed but something was off . his voice was shaking and i heard him sniff again .
as he shuffled with some things inside the bathroom
,, are you crying ? did you have a nightmare ?"

i had my suspicion ever sinc ehe returned i didnt like it when he's locked in the bathroom and crying.
it made me scared .
,, can you come out ? please,
i'm here you dont have to be scared"

he sniffed again and i heard him shifting so i took a step back as he unlocked the door and opened it .revealing his puffy eyes and red nose.

i looked sadly at him . leaning down lightly to look him into his eyes . he seemed ashamed because he didnt want to look me into the eyes
,, whats wrong ?"

,, i h-had a nightmare " he mumbled before he sniffed whiping over his eyes.

,, why didnt you wake me ?" i sighed pulling him carefully into a hug .

,, i'm sorry " he whisperd before a broken sob escaped his lips .

,, shh .. its ok " i rubbed over his head and back ,, what were you doing in the bathroom ?" carefully i decided to ask and when his hands tightened around me i got even more suspicious.

i couldnt help it and ended the hug getting down i took a hold of his hands . carefully pulling his left sleeve up to reveal old long healed pink scars
my heart clenched everytime when i see those . thinking how he did that to himself was heartbreaking .but at the same time . those scars are now a part of him and i loved every single part of him .
his right arm was no different . but there werent any new wounds which made me feel reliefed in a way.