Loyal Love (Kaisoo)

Chapter 58 : Listening

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,, do you listen ? do you at all listen !?" he yelled as i stared to the ground losing silent tears while he just continued yelling and yelling .

,, dad .." i heard eujin say carefully as she looked at me and i rose my head seeing her split lip as she had her own tears in her eyes.

thats when a hard slap made me fall to the side 

yet i found myself flinching under the covers in jongins bed.

it was just a dream ..
just another nightmare .
i tried to calm myself as i looked at jongins sleeping face besides me .

i sighed turning to lay on my back , i could still feel  the fresh bruises on my face and it made me carve the pain even more .

its been a while since i last touched my stomach ..
it wont kill me when i do it once more .. this time i will only cut once or twice so its not bad it will heal anyway . it wont kill me and no one will notice it .

i hesitated before i just brought myself to stand on my feet . steadying myself at first because dizzyness was a side effect of my medicine so everytime i got up from laying to long i would need a second to find myself again .

walking towards the door i looked one last time at jongins sleeping face before i started heading for the bathroom . usually i would use the one close to the bedroom but i was thirsty so i wanted to use the one downstairs .

so i did i closed the door behind me and locked it slowly to make it quiet as i got to my knees and looked around in the drawers . jongin shaves i know it so he kept some blades , i keep flushing my old ones down because i think that it will help.me not to do it . but its useless i woud always find new ones because i needed it.

aha. found it .. altho the blade was bigger than the last one i used . looking over the sharp side i just wanted to test it and almost gasped when i accidently cut my finger a little . its realy sharp..

this made me hesitate again .i never used one this sharp . they were always small or old ones but this is big and sharp .but i need the cut i cant stop thinking about how my blood drops down from my wound and how it burned after i created it .

i need it .

another sigh escaped my lips as i sat down and leaned against the wall raising my pullover to reveal some bright lines over my skin ..
over my belly omg i have a belly..
thats disgusting .
he was right i realy was getting fat .i will get even fatter if i dont stop .
that thouvh made me even more mad and tears were threatening to fall from my eyes .

so carefully i placed the blade onto my skin as i started moving it instandly feeling the numbing pain which made me blink more through my tears as i tried to see where i was cutting , i wanted to see the cut and the blood .

i paused after i made the first cut grabbing toilet paper to remove the blood .. i should stop and go back to bed .

but i already did one so it wont be bad if i do another one and after that i will stop ..

so it was that i placed it against my skin again but this time a knock caught me off guard and i flinched with the blade still in my hand i ended up cutting over my whole side and it was bleeding and burning like crazy ,causing me to groan quietly as i held the skin around the cut .

it was burning and hurting , tears sprang into my eyes as i watched all the blood . i didnt want it to be that deep what do i do !?

,, hello ?" whos that !? its a deep voice and older voice thats not jongin neither mony .
,, whos in there ?"
but it was a familiar voice .