Loyal Love (Kaisoo)

Chapter 48 : Just like you

i swollowed with my eyes empty as i looked at the black coffin in front of me .

there were beautiful flowers placed on it . and i blinked once more at it .hearing my grandma and some other woman crying besides me .but i just simply didnt care .

i wanted to cry too , i wanted to break down and scream at half of the people that came because more than half of the people didnt care anyway . they were never there and now they are here after they have been missing everything for so long

but i was just empty .

i didnt sleep , i didnt went to school , i ate junk food and watched tv all night . not even once losing a tear .
while my dad was just not here .

they continued praying and talking about her to rest in piece and have a save trip to a better place .

i never imagened it to be like this ..

i knew i was gonna lose her and i accepted it even before they decided to turn the mashines off ,because i knew she was already gone .

but i didnt think it would feel like this . i thought i was ok with it and i would let her go but now that i saw her pale body since .. forever .
now that i saw how everything happened so freaking fast .
i didnt feel like accepting it at all .

i didnt want this . i didnt want any of this . i dont want to be here and i dont want her to be dead .

my tired eyes lifted from the black coffin to look at my dad , who's eyes were just as tired as mine but he had tears rolling down his cheeks aswell . as he looked rather angry .

he didnt accept it either .

i didnt expect him to anyway. i just wonderd how it would continue now .
hye will come back probably but my grandma will come with her ofcorse . but my dad .he'll probably be more out again .
and then theres kyungsoo ..
well the pieces that were left of him after everything he's been through .i wanted to help him but i dont know how ..
it just too much for me

its like everything was falling a apart and theres nothing that could hold it together or fix it .
it was just so hopeless .

a sigh escaped my lips as i looked up to the blue sky .not a single cloud and sunny ofcorse . as if even the sky was just laughing at your pain .
but when will it stop
this cant possibly mean
'living' this is only torture . one problem after another .one pain after another .

maby thats what kyungsoo thinks , maby thats why hes the way he is. because he realized that whenever he stands up ,he just gets beaten down again .

so why bother standing up ?

i closed my eyes at that thought until i suddenly heard some light soft steps . short and uneven . yet slowly and carefully .it reminded me of him .

and before i knew it ,someone grabbed my hand .

my eyes opened and i looked to my side my eyes a bit bigger than the empty once i had a few seconds ago .

it was kyungsoo. he didnt even look at me ,he just squeezed my hand in both of his leaning into my side

and just like that i felt tears build in my eyes..

i felt better and that just by a simple touch of his . i felt like i wasnt alone . i felt like someone still understood and cared.

when he looked up at me with a small smile . more tears fell from my eyes, which he whiped away gently. and thats when i knew.
that he would always stand up .
because thats just who he was .