Loyal Love (Kaisoo)

Chapter 59 : The daily routine

i told him ..

i old him everything but i somehow felt like he wasnt listening .
he knows it was yixing and i pleaded to him to listen to me and not go to the police .
i know going to the police was probably the right thing to do and we realy should but i would never manage to say that it realy was yixing and i still wasnt mad at him because he loved me but i cant love him back because i love jongin maby not as much as yixing loves me but enough to want to be with him .

i just wanted yixing to understand it
i just wanted people to listen .

jongin went to the police .
and they got yixing and me to the curt
i saw him ..

he looked good .he had a suit and constandly looked bored with his hair styled up, while jongin was furious and kept yelling around what things yixing had done to me .

the things i didnt want anyone to know ,the things i trusted jongin with .
i couldnt help but feel betrayed in a way .

i dont know why and i know jongin hated me for that but i said that it wasnt true . i said that yixing was innocent . it was the hardest thing and the most stupids thing i have done why did i say that ? why ?i dont understand. i just did ! because i was scared and it was too much for me and yixing was winning anyway and and i couldnt betray him just because he loved me ! everyone always  betrayed me so i cant betray someone i dont want to be like everyone else .

you're so stupid seriously 

you just ruined everything

i thought it could work .. and i could be happy .. again.. no for once happy but everything changed at once .
mony and hye were gone again . they just arrived and now they're gone again i missed hye and i didnt even get much time with her ..

and now i felt alone again .
jongin was mad at me .hes working again . i asked him why because his father was still here and there wasnt any need of money but he would never answer me to that . he wouldnt talk much at all to me the whole house seemed quiet and i wasnt sleeping with him anymore.

he was on the couch.
him hating me like that was the worst
you wont believe how much it hurts .

whenever i came into the room and he avoided eyecontact , when i sat down besides him and he either stood up or moved further away . when we ate and he no longer sat besides me holding my hand.

i wasnt talking to his father either because i felt so awkward , like i was at a wrong place.
no one talked to me
no one wanted me anymore .

the only people i could talk to were baekhyun and chanyeol . and even then they still believed everything was going fine . mainly because i didnt want to make it worse because baek would surely start an argument again .

i stoped cutting my stomach tho i was too scared to continue there but since jongin didnt care anymore neither check my arms, i started there again . i'm ugly anyways so its ok .
i stoped caring. why should i ?

dont get me wrong jongin didnt stop caring ,he was still busting into the room whenever i ended up screaming  from a nightmare handing me the inhaler for my panic attack and rocking me back and forth until i fell back asleep.

but the more time passes the more i felt like he was doing it because he pitied me and i hated that .

just like i hated nights like those when i heard jongin talking on the phone laughing with someone i dont even know while i'm hear crying over everything again constandly asking myself if he still loved me or if i had now lost him aswell .