Loyal Love (Kaisoo)

Chapter 29 : Not that weak

my hand rested nervously on the door handle as i swollowed sniffling at the uncomfortable feeling of my nasual cannula stuck in my nose . i was carrying the rest of that whole stupid thing as a small backpack .

i rose my eyes looking at the glaas of the door as i saw my still slightly blue eye . flinching as i saw a shadow behind me and when i looked more closely i could have sworn it looke like yixing .

,, is everything alright ?" a police officer pulled me out of my thoughts and i instandly turned away from the door and stared at him for a moment thinking myself .

,, y-yeah .. sorry  i thought there was something on my face " the easiest lie ..

,, ok excuse me then " he smiled and i stepped aside with an apologic smile as he enterd the policestation through the door at wich i was staring at just a minute ago. when he was gone i looked around me searching the shadow i just saw int he reflection but there was no one  ... well great i'm going insane now .

sighing i started walking well limping away with my stupid crudges, adjusting my bag .because it was kinda uncomfortable with my still alightly blue back . it was uncomfortable in general because my hand had a hole to heal and my chest was ruined. this one will cause me a lot of new scars .

i was so sure i would tell ... i was so sure i would go to the police and tell them that what i said was wrong that it was my step dad and not some thiefs wich they could never find.

but now that i stood there on the door about to enter . i just couldnt do it . he was an asshole and probably deserved it but .. he was kinda my family right ? and in the past he wasnt that bad .he changed because of the death of .. her . and .. shit am i saying that i still love him as a dad kinda . fuck no this cant be he hurt me so many times with fucking words,kicks and fists.

no , frustrated i ran my hand through my hair .
no stress no stress calm down .

i started taken deep breaths
its been a week now. and just  today i've been released from the hospital . jongin didnt want to let me leave since he now knew about everything but i said that i would just go to the police station and that my dad has been here before and agreed that he did wrong . wich obivously wasnt true ...

besides all that well the doctor said that i wouldnt have more time left and my heart was getting weaker . i now have to wear this stupid tubes in my nose because i had still water in my lungs.
ofcorse i wouldnt tell jongin that he would only freak out more .especially since the univers decided that his mother had to get worse aswell .

i love jongin and that probably the only reason why i begged the doctor to let me leave the hospital .because appearently his mum was this bad that even hye got send away to their gandma so she wouldnt realy get what was happening .

a few days ago they send eujins ash down a river 5 houres away from here . and i wasnt there .
i didnt even get to say goodbye seungsoo said that there were a few people . friends and stuff but not me . i was fucking sleeping in the stupid hospital .

what am i gonna do now .. i cant go back home .. and jongin had enough problems. i'm only here so i could comfort him once its time and not be a burden ..

i sighed heavily as i looked around walking down the sidewalk .
i'm still lucky am i not ..

fuck

{♡}♡{♡}♡{♡}♡{♡}♡{♡}♡{♡}♡{♡}

it just had to fucking rain right ?
after a while of walking and walking i ended up being exhausted again i asked in a few shops if they could give me a job and i would do anything for it but they would always say no. i cant blame them tho .. i look like a ghost and with that stupid nasual cannula i look like i might be dead the next day anyway . besides that i still dont know if i'm still allowed to work at the cafe with jongin ... i'm pretty sure they fired me bscause of all that .