Loyal Love (Kaisoo)

Chapter 5 : Lucky

luck.

i have never used that word for myself because i feel that i have never had luck before

baekhyun and yixing once called me lucky . the doctor called me lucky once too .
when i had a breakdown or something i dont realy remember what happened i just remember waking up in the hospital with around 15 stitches on my forearm .

i think that was also the moment where eujin decided to somehow change towards me .but for seungsoo and my stepdad it just meant another reason to laugh at me .i'm just glad no one at school knows, that would be a double pain in the ass.

but maby i could call myself lucky that i still have 2 friends by my side well 3 with eujin but i dont realy trust her that much .shes just there for me when my stepdad goes too far or when i would casually run into her alone . i know she cares tho and know shes not like her brother or father .

i could also call myself lucky that i have indeed food not much but enough knowing that there were people .. even kids out there probably starving right now in this moment.

also could i call myself lucky because i am healthy .i'm not suffering from some stupid desease that causes pain or makes me wonder every night before i fall asleep if i'll wake up the next morning or not ...

i would say i'm healthy .. ofcorse t-the the punishments are .. .. i-i'd rather not talk about it .. it still hurts to move and i've been feeling awful since that night .
i had passed out a couple of times while cleaning the kitchen too.

luckily eujin had came to me early this morning .. yap i had to sleep outside aswell just in front of the backdoor .no one should see me ofcorse .well .eujin had given me some bread secretly .and i enjoyed it .but what i was carving for was something to drink .i feel dry inside super dry .i was just scared to drink because he might see and give me another punishment.and my back probably still looked like a blue and purple painted page .
I couldn't bare it again... oh well .

it could be worse ?

{♡}♡{♡}♡{♡}♡{♡}♡{♡}♡{♡}♡{♡}

,, fag " a passing guy shot me a disgusted look as i walked along the school halls

yeah yeah thanks for the compliment you look good today too .

i cough into my hand as i opened my locker ... pretty much the only locker thats been full of dirt .
words and shit but the worst they ever did was glue a pink dildo on it. i would have laughed too because they acually came earlier to school with a dildo just to glue it to my locker . you have to be real bored for that .

i had still 10 minutes left until class starts so i can aswell try to somehow remove those words .

freakdoo,

kyunghoe,

faggot,

loser,

diner boy,

loner,

freak,

babyface,

Die alone,

bitch,

shall i continue ? most of those words repeat each other anyway written on my locker in different styles and colors .i stop cleaning when my head suddendly pouds realy painfully i swollowed feeling my dry mouth, the edges of my vision turning dark for a slight moment ...gosh i'm thirsty i realy would want water right now .