strawberries | brendon urie

17: "she needs to see a therapist"

brendons parents had paid us a visit the next day. grace and boyd were awesome and politics were never discussed.

grace and i made some pasta while brendon and boyd talked in the garden. it was really awkward for me but we soon finished and we all ate. i helped clean up but grace said she had to speak to brendon urgently. so they went in the hallway. i made boyd a drink while he told me a bit about las vegas - he insisted i visited with brendon soon and i nodded in agreement.

while i put the plates away i overheard brendon and his mom.

"brendon she needs help"
"shes fine!"
"she dosent talk"
"its been five months. she talks to me. and justin. and shes getting close with nicole"
"thats not the point. shes suffering"
"dylan tells me everything"
"and her anxiety is going to effect her as she grows up. remember when you were her age?"
"she needs time. she gets scared easily - no doubt that. shes adopted" thanks brendon...
"she needs to see a therapist"
"i cant do that to her! she only trusts me. i cant put her in that position"
"you have to if you want her to be okay"
"mom you don't get it. shes scared of seeing a therapist"
"well if she sees one she'll overcome her fears"
"and what if shes not comfortable with that?"
"it gets easier over time. she could get some medication, see a speech therapist"

i felt sick. i ran out of the room, dodged past the two people and raced to my room, tears streaming down my cheeks. i shut my door and sat on the floor bawling my eyes out.
i didn't want to see a therapist. what if brendon made me see one? he promised that he'd book me for one if i wanted one.

brendon came inside and closed the door, locking it.
"dyl" he wrapped his arms round me and i cried harder. according to him the most heartbreaking thing is seeing me cry.
"please, i don't want to" i sobbed.
"and you won't. okay? like i said, if you want to see a therapist then you will" this was his mom. he loved her with all his heart and has written her songs. he was a mommas boy.

"you could try..." he trailed off.
"are you fucking kidding me?" i pushed him away, grabbed my phone off the table and tore down the stairs.
"dylan wait!" he called, following.
"don't even bother!" i exclaimed, opening the front door and angrily leaving.
"dylan!"
i walked around town wiping the tears from my cheeks. i'd blocked brendons number because i didn't want to talk to him.
i selected justins number and typed away.

me: you busy?
i got a reply straight away.
justin: no, whats up?
me: need a friend
justin: meet me at the boba store in five minuets.

i sat at the counter sniffling. a few minuets later the seat next to me was filled.
"are you okay?" justin asked, putting his skateboard. i shook my head. "here i'll get you a drink and we'll go for a walk"

after we got drinks we walked along the streets of la.
"my grandma tried convincing my dad into sending me to a therapist. he promised me that he wouldn't make me go if i didn't want to. but now he's saying i should try" i shivered.
"i remember you telling me you were scared of seeing a therapist" he said. i nodded and sipped my mango bubble tea, the passion fruit boba dashing through the straw.
"i had years of therapy. it scared me so much cause y'know...i dont talk. i got through it though and i swore never to go back. im fine! i am...they're just pissed off that i don't talk"
"then don't. if they force you to go then don't say a word. you're comfortable with speaking to people when you trust them. so leave it that way. don't let them change you"

justins phone rang. it was brendon.
"i blocked his ass" i informed him.
"you gotta talk to him" he said.
"i refuse" i replied.
"fine. i will" he pressed accept and put it on speaker.
"is dylan with you?" oh fuck. brendon was having an anxiety attack.
"yeah. she is" he looked at me.
"please bring her home. i was such a dick to her a-and-" the call ended.
i started to cry again.
"come on, lets get you home" he took my hand and led me  down the street.

i opened the door and ran inside.
"brendon!?" i called.
"strawberry!" brendon ran downstairs and scooped me into his arms.
"im sorry! i-i shouldn't have-"
"no. im sorry. i shouldn't have tried making you go to therapy. i nearly broke my promise" he was crying!
"i knew you wouldn't though"