strawberries | brendon urie

41: "i just wanna be normal"

"see you next week" me and sierra exchanged a hug and she hopped on her bike whle i headed to the bus stop. i held my tears in as i walked along.

i got in and heard brendon laughing with sarah. i sniffled and put my shoes away.
"i think dylan's back" sarah said. i bursted into tears and ran to my room. i closed the door and sat in my closet sobbing.
"dylan" it was brendon! my closet door opened and he found me in curled up into a soggy ball. "hey whats up?" he knelt down beside me and took my hands away from my face.

"its stupid" i reasoned as he moved my hair out of my face.
"its not stupid. i promise" he never broke a promise.
"i hate my life. like i love you of course. but i just hate the way i am"
"in what way?" he wiped my tears away.
"just forget it" i mumbled, feeling guilty.
"not when you're crying" he needs to stop being so nice oh my god.
"its weird" i tried making another excuse, knowing it was a stupid idea.
"its not. i promise. you gonna tell me?"

i wiped my eyes. "its sierra"
"did something happen?" he slid his hand into mine in a comforting way.
"no. its just...i hate that im traumatised. and scared. i wanna be normal" i explained.
"but you are normal!" he said.
"im not brendon! i don't talk. i don't go to school. i have trust issues. im a scared little weirdo-" he cut me off.
"hey! i told you" he scolded me.

i sighed. "i just wanna be normal"
"look, i get it. i know you wanna communicate with people verbally and forget all that terrible shit. but this stuff takes time. you need professional help. and you need to be ready"
"i'll force myself to talk" i said.
"no you won't" he said seriously.
"watch me" i shot back.

"dylan. you're just gonna feel worse"
"i thought you'd understand!" i locked myself in the bathroom and started to cry again. "dylan!"