strawberries | brendon urie

72: "you have depression"

we walked to the right room and brendon opened the door. molly was sitting there smiling.
"hi there! how are you?" she smiled. "good thanks" brendon closed the door and we sat down.
"how are you dylan?" she asked me. i didn't reply. i was sitting with my knees up to my chest, fiddling with my hands.
"she's a bit tense" brendon said. molly already knew.

she asked about school and i told her everything. i then went on to tell her why i tried to commit suicide. i didn't realise how deep into it i was because i then told her how i'd had suicidal thoughts for a while and i didn't know how to cope with my anxiety and life and how life wasn't worth living if i couldn't even live...i didn't even realise how much i was going on.

"okay i think thats enough" she said. brendon had left the room. "it was hard for him to hear" she informed me. "and you have depression"

what. "great" i sighed.
"now you've just come out of suicide watch" she started. "but i think you should come see me more regularly. weekly" she said. i nodded. "i just wanna be okay" i mumbled.
"i've known you for years. i believe in you" she said kindly. "i think you've had enough today. could you get your dad for me?" i nodded and left the room. i walked down the corridor and to the waiting room. he wasn't there. i dialled for him and then saw his phone under a chair. i picked it up and went to the bathroom to wash my hands.

i heard crying from inside the bathroom. i recognised it. i knocked on the door. "brendon?" i said.
"uh one sec" a few seconds later the door opened.
"are you okay?" i asked.
"honestly? no" his eyes were red.
"did you have a panic attack?"
"kinda...it was just hard to hear all that stuff" he admitted sheepishly.
"it's okay" i handed him his phone. "molly wants to talk to you" i said.

i led him back to the room and waited outside. he came back looking calm. he took my hand and we left.