strawberries | brendon urie

52: "are we still dating?"

sierra🏳️‍🌈: are we still dating?

that text message made my heart race. sarah was sitting next to me eating a cookie...she came over more often now.

me: of course we are!
sierra🏳️‍🌈: can i call you
me: please do

"hey" i said as i answered the phone.
"we haven't seen each other in weeks"
"i know im sorry. therapy started then my phone got taken away..."
"look if you're busy its okay"
"its not that! okay, we can hang out later on if you want ive just had a lot going on"
"dylan. hear me out"
fear grew inside me. i felt really sick.
"i don't think you like me anymore to be honest. we haven't hung out in ages and you never bother to pop up to me. you always have an excuse. are you even committed to being in a relationship with me??" she asked.
"i am. im sorry, there's a lot thats been going on. i promise i'll make it up to you" sarah could tell i was stressing.
"there you go, making excuses!"
"im not making excuses. im scared shitless right now, okay?" i was.
"dylan im sorry but im breaking up with you. i want someone committed, mentally stable and who won't ignore me for weeks" she said.
"sierra please-" the line went dead.

"are you okay? what happened?" sarah asked. i got up and ran to my room, my hand over my mouth. i closed my door and slid down it crying. when i first laid eyes on sierra i fell in love. when we started dating i was at my happiest point. the fact that she didn't want to be with me anymore because of my mental health broke my heart.

sarah knocked on my door.
"dylan are you okay?" brendon wasn't home. sarah had never dealt with my crap before or comforted me. i didn't know what to do.
"can i come in? its okay. we can talk and listen to music"

i was too scared. why couldn't i do anything? i felt so freaking useless. "i
"could call brendon?" she suggested. imagine how pissed he'd be! i opened the door fast.
"no!" i exclaimed.
i wiped my tears quickly. "im fine"
"you're clearly not" she responded.
"its stupid. im stupid" i mumbled.
"no of course you're not! don't say that"
she seemed hurt.
"sierra broke up with me" i started to cry again.
"oh no" she hugged me. i'd never hugged sarah before.
"she said i kept making excuses a-and i wasn't committed. but it was my health! a-and then she says she wants someone mentally stable" i sobbed.
"thats awful! i cant believe she'd say that to you! you don't need her you can do so much better!" she replied.
"i really liked her though" i cried.
"i know, i know. but its her loss. if she won't support or understand you then she's not good for you"
"it just really sucks" i said.

"it does. but its for the best. you gotta put yourself first and if she's not okay with that then she's not right"
"you're right" she was. sierra wasn't good for me. she wasn't going to be there for me. i couldn't be with her.
"clean yourself up a bit. i'll make you a snack, okay?" oh my god. sarah was amazing.
she suggested we watched some tv while we waited for brendon. so we decided to watch orange is the new black.
"im home!" brendon called. we ignored him, engrossed into the programme. he walked in and saw us. "hi?" he said.
"shhh!" we shushed him. he smiled fondly and went to get himself a drink.

before sarah went i ran to hug her. she was surprised but hugged me back.
"thanks a lot for today" i said.
"of course" she smiled. brendon looked so happy to see that.
"what happened today?" he asked as we sat outside, eating strawberries.
"sierra dumped me" i said.
"oh god im sorry. why?"
"she thinks im not mentally stable or committed. and she thinks my cruddy mental health is 'making excuses'"
"what a little bitch" he exclaimed.
"yeah. oh well" i shrugged.
"are you okay?" he asked. i nodded.
"she's not good for me. i don't need her" i decided.

"sarah helped didn't she?"
"a lot"