strawberries | brendon urie

20: "i don't want any of this!"

a week later me and brendon were sitting in a therapists office, clutching hands.

"so you're dylan urie?" the therapist asked. i nodded. "you're 13" i nodded again. "and you only have a dad" i nodded. "so...whats been happening?" she turned and faced us. brendon sat up.
"well basically-" she cut him off.
" i want dylan to answer"

wait. what the fuck.
"uhh...you do remember what i told you right?" brendon seemed a little worried.
"of course" then she turned to me. "go on" she was staring at me.

fear grew inside me. i cant speak to her. pressure piled on my shoulders and i went red. i just bolted out of the room and ran down the hallway.
"dylan! dylan stop!" brendon grabbed me and held me close. i was breathing so heavily. "calm down okay?"
"this was a mistake" i whispered.
"of course its not!" he assured me.
"she knows i cant speak!" i stammered.
"one more try, okay?. we can do this"

we went back to the room to see the lady typing on her laptop! we sat down and she turned around.
"all better?" BITCH WHAT.
she went on to ask questions. brendon answered them all to me and i nodded if they were right. she then said this wasn't practical and asked me to type them. so i did, even though brendon was right about everything.

"i think we should put her into weekly therapy and give her some medication"
i dug my nails into brendons hand. he showed no pain but looked nervous.
"and maybe she can see a speech therapist"
i wanted to shout "do you even know what you're doing!?" but i couldn't. i stayed quiet and listen.
"if she tries to commit suicide or self harms then admit her into a hospital" i looked at brendon, fear in my eyes. he was holding a mcdonalds receipt in his other hand and rolling it.

"uh surely theres something less...tense...than these ideas" brendon said.
"i think these are the best options" i got out of the chair and ran out of the room. i raced down the hall way and once again brendon caught up with me.

"hey its okay" he held me close and i sobbed. "brendon she cant be serious"
"shes bullshit. of course shes not"
"i don't want any of this!" i whispered.
"then we'll do it our own way. an easy way. okay? c'mon lets get you home...maybe we can even find a better therapist when youre up for it"

he wiped my tears, took my hand and we headed to the car. first he got me some m&ms and insisted i did good. then we went home.
"don't be sad. you're dope" he ruffled my hair and gave me a hug.
"no. you are. thanks for putting up with me" i sniffled.
"hey. i love you. don't forget that"