strawberries | brendon urie

85: "you looked really happy"

"thank you very much!"

my first ever panic! at the disco show was today. me and zack stood on the side watching. i got a bit emotional during girls/girls/boys but it was okay. brendon came off all sweaty so i avoided him...but he ran to me for a hug.

later on everyone was asleep minus brendon and i. we sat in the premium bunk talking about the show. i was about to leave and go to bed when i stopped.

"you looked really happy" i said.
"when?" he asked.
"when you were on stage"
"oh yeah. man i love being up there"
"i can tell" i yawned. "well, goodnight"
"night. i love you"
"i love you too"

i couldn't sleep for ages. and by the time i did it was 5am. but the next day we did some more exploring. i could barely move because of how tired i was. brendon took my hand and led me around and got me a snack to wake me up. it worked thank god but my stomach felt weird. i missed home and my friends so much. i held my tears in as we arrived at some food place for proper breakfast. my anxiety was really bad right now. i'd never been out of LA before so this was well weird.

nicole noticed i was being weird and asked if i could go with her to the bathroom. she took my hand and pulled me to it.
"are you okay?"
i shook my head and started to cry.
"i miss LA" i whispered.
"aw come here" she gave me a comforting hug.
"i've never left LA. i don't know where anything is here a-and my anxiety is bad..."
"it's my first time here too. don't worry, it's okay. we can do this together"

i cleaned up and we went back to the table. i hadn't really eaten. i was feeling really sick. thank god i didn't throw up. i couldn't eat though. i kept quiet as i didn't want to annoy anyone. i wasn't paying attention to anything. the day went by and i was back in the position of not being able to fall asleep.