Betrayed

Last Time.

Over the next few days, things.....I would say have gotten a bit better and have also gotten worse. Well at least for me. The better part behind all of this is that I've got to connect more with my parents and try to ease the tension that have grown intensively throughout the house ever since what happened when Jordan was last here. Everyone attempted to comfort me about the whole situation, but just thinking about everything would only break me even more.....that is if I have anything else left inside of me for that to even happen.

Going to school for these final few days has been a bit of a drag, especially now that everyone found out about Taylor's death and annoying me with the same pitiful comments. But thankfully, today was the finale....and I got through it. I know I should feel at least a bit happy about finishing my senior year and off to a new start in college very soon, but there's still graduation I need to get through which is tomorrow, and I worry deeply that something's going to go terribly wrong. Why should I be feeling this way? No one should have to fear of walking across the stage without any bullets flying around or a—big scene erupting horribly....but of course I have to.

A knock suddenly interrupted my inner thoughts, allowing myself to hurriedly wipe the small tears that apparently found its way down my cheeks.
"Come in." I mumbled, clearing my throat as I sat up straight on the bed, glancing at the door when it opened to Mom standing there.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" She asked concerned, making her way over to the edge of the bed that I was sitting legs crossed on.
"I'm feeling fine, I guess." I answer dryly, looking down at my legs before eyeing her face again.

"Are you sure? Because lately, you've been quiet more than usual and I—"
"Mom, I'm fine..." I cut her off while reassuring her, lying once again as she sat down on the bed, reading me carefully. I tried putting on a smile to convince her even more that I was totally fine and strong and definitely not thinking about the number of bad things that could go down tomorrow. But unfortunately, I failed as I suddenly bursted into tears, dropping my head, sobbing brokenly. I shook my head at myself for letting myself cry again, but I couldn't hold it in like I used to. My emotions are everywhere right now and I don't know how long I can bare with everything that's happening. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be smiling every time I leave the house. I deserve to be spending time with my family and close that black hole that's been growing bigger and bigger by the day....I deserve a better life...........when will I ever get that?

"Audrey..." Mom whispered as she pulled me into her arms, gently rubbing my back with her warming hands, and calming words. I continued sobbing, squeezing my eyes shut as I tried to wipe my mind from all the negative thoughts that were drowning any possible way of anything coming out positive.

"I am extremely sorry that all of this happened to you. I-I never wanted anything to go down like the way it did. Many things got out of hand and beyond our control, and in result we lost you guys. In all honesty, I wish that I had've done things differently.
I-I've failed as a mother and I am truly sorry with what happened to you guys.." She was beginning to break down in her own tears as she continued whispering while holding me but she was somehow strong enough to fight them back and push them far away as possible.

"We've done very bad things, and we've paid our consequences by the risk of losing our children and we're gonna make up for it." She returned her voice back to normal, leaning back to look me in the eyes, touching my shoulders, "I am so very sorry....." She whispered, shaking her head sympathetically as I sniffed hard. "It's okay, Mom. It's not your fault."

"It is my fault, Audrey." She shook her head at me as I drifted my eyes over to the floor.

"I should've done all the right things when I had a chance to. I should've been there to protect and shield you like every mother should...."