Let Me In Your Heart Again | Hardzello♡

Chapter 68

*Beep beep*
Ben receives a message, and quickly takes out his phone to look who it is.

(10:11 Pm) Joe: Hey, I'm going home. But you can stay at the party, I don't wanna ruin the fun for you. Maybe it's a good idea to sleep separately tonight. I don't want you to get sick too. And maybe a little distance isn't a bad idea. Have fun at the party.

With a broken heart, Ben puts away his phone.
Joe doesn't want him anymore.
He screwed up. Because of him being in the hospital, Joe had to take care of him for a very long time. And now the boy is done with him.
Ben can't blame him. If he gets crazy from himself all the time, then Joe must hate him by now.
With a small smile, the blond watches how Rami and Lucy are both slightly drunk on the dance floor.
Gwil is also quite tipsy.
Ben slightly jumps when Lina gets up next to him. 'J-jeez, you startled me.' He says as he places his hand on his heart.
'Sorry about that. I just wanted to ask you if you're okay?' Lina asks when she sees that Ben is not as cheerful as usual. 
Ben puts on his best smile and nods. 'Sure, why wouldn't I be?' 
Lina raises her eyebrow. 'Because you and I are the only ones sober, and as far as I know you're not pregnant. Now tell me, what's wrong?' She says as she offers Ben a glass of vodka.
Ben sighs and empties the glass in one go. 'It's Joe. He's gone home because he claims to be sick. But he also said something about keeping his distance for a while. I don't know what I did wrong. It's so sudden.' 
Lina thinks for a moment, but then the two are interrupted by Gwil who joins them.
'Hey, everything o-okay here?' The tall boy asks.
Ben smiles at how tipsy he is.
Lina nods. 'Yes everything okay here sweetheart. Looks like you're enjoying the party.' She giggles.
Gwil nods happily, and goes back to the dance floor.
'I don't think I've ever seen Gwil drunk before.' Ben says with a small grin.
Lina nods with a giggle. 'He doesn't get drunk that often. He actually wanted to stay sober for me tonight. But I know once the babies are here he won't go out either. So this is probably the last time he can enjoy himself like this.' She says with a big smile. 'Anyways, back to our conversation. I think you should leave him alone for tonight. You can talk to him tomorrow. There must be a reason why he's acting so weird. Or write him a letter. That is very romantic.' Lina says with a wink.
Ben chuckles softly. 'I will. Thank you Lina.' 

Ben searches the room for Brian and Roger. When he finds them, he rushes over to them. 'Hey guys. I uhm- I hate to be a jerk, but I'm going home. Joe has already gone home because he wasn't feeling well. I want to make sure he's okay. Last time he was sick it didn't end that well.'
Brian and Roger smile at him. 'That's okay Ben, don't worry.' Brian chuckles.
Ben smiles with relief.
'Now go home and take care of Joe.' Roger says.
Ben nods. 'I will, thank you.'

********

When Ben walks into the hotel, he hesitantly looks at the stairs. How's he gonna come upstairs now?
Then he shifts his gaze to the elevator. Maybe he will succeed with the breathing exercises that Amber has given him?
With a shaking hand he presses the button on the lift. The door opens, and luckily there is no one else in the elevator.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

Count to 10 while breathing in and out slowly. And try to think of something that you love, something that calms you down.

That is the exercise Amber has given him to deal with the panic.
Okay, something that calms him down. Something he loves.
Then he thinks about the Italian breathing exercise Joe taught him the first time he panicked in the elevator.
Joe. He is the only thing Ben loves.
Ben snaps out of concentration and feels the panic slowly rising now. He listens to the sounds of the elevator with an accelerated heart rhythm. 
Ping. Two more floors. 
Ping. One more floor. 
Ping. The elevator door opens.
Relieved, Ben steps outside. He did it without panic. Well, almost then. 
He slowly walks down the hall, towards his hotel room. He pauses in front of Joe's hotel room door.
And while it seems more sensible to leave Joe alone now, he decides to go into the room, against his thoughts.
When he enters the room he finds Joe on the couch, fast asleep.
The boy's puffy eyes reveal that he has been crying.
When Ben comes closer, he sees that Joe is shivering with cold.
Quietly, Ben grabs a blanket and covers Joe with it. He tucks Joe in, and gives him a small kiss on the head.

He quietly leaves the room, tears in his eyes.
In his hotel room, he decides to follow Lina's advice and write a letter to Joe.
When he finishes writing, he puts the letter in an envelope and slides it under Joe's door.
Slightly overwhelmed by this evening, he goes to bed.

*********

Four days later, Ben and Joe still haven't seen or talked to each other since the afterparty. 
But this morning that will change.

Ben is just having breakfast in his hotel room when there is a knock on the door. He puts his plate in the kitchen, puts on a shirt, and opens the door. He swallows when he sees who's at the door.
Joe is standing in the doorway, staring shyly at the floor. 'C-can we talk?' He asks so softly that Ben can hardly understand.
Ben nods. 'Uhm yes of course, come in.' 
Joe gives him a grateful look. 'So how was the party after I left?' The ginger asks when the two are on the couch.
Ben sighs. Small talk is the last thing he wants to hear now. 'Joey please, what happened to us? Since the party, we've been pretending to be strangers.' The blond has to do his best not to burst into tears when he asks this.
Joe looks down and nervously plays with the strings of his hoodie.
'Joe, if you don't love me anymore that's okay, but please break my heart gently.' Ben says softly.
Joe feels his heart stop beating for a moment.

Here's what Joe actually wanted to say: Ben, I still love you. Of course I still love you. But if I don't break your heart, Corey will hurt both of us and I don't want to lose you. I just don't know what to do Ben.

But instead of that, he chose the wrong words.
And those words would only make things worse.

______________
This chapter sucks, I knooooow✌
But better than this it probably won't get, so yeah.

Am I the only one who's sleep rithm is totally gone? I'm uploading this around midnight, and I feel still so energetic🤣

Sleep well lovies♥ Xxx from me❤