Jenalyn: Disconnected (#5) [Complete]

Chapter 72: Evelyn

Sat. 3/14/09 • 8:17 P.M. PST
About three weeks later...

I don't even know what I'm taking anymore.

Russ just drops a small bundle off every other day like we agreed; He never tells me what it is, but I never complain because anything is so much better than nothing. 

It's the only way to numb myself from the prison my life has become. 

These past few weeks have been hell, confined to my room during the day and only really seeing Russ at night for our brief exchange. Jena has been so busy traveling for work, and since she doesn't trust hiring people to keep up with her house, her family pops in more than I'd like. She even went as far as to get me a mini fridge and a portable little stove so that, other than going down the hall for the bathroom, I don't really have a reason to leave my room. I can't really complain too much though, I know it's my fault. She just doesn't want anybody aware of my existence.

Not cleaners, not house managers, not her family... shit! I might as well just be dead, right? 

Dane hasn't even been bothering me as much anymore. He messages me every couple of days to ask about Jena: who she's with, what she's doing, ect; but I am basically just a robot at this point. 

I don't care, I really just don't fucking care!

Jena is due home from her business trip to New York in two days, and I'm determined to enjoy the little bit of alone time I have until then. It's just a lot easier to cope with my situation when I don't have to worry about Jena breathing down my neck. 

Without thinking too much about it anymore, I quickly crush up the last pill I have and inhale it off the table. I know it's going to frustrate him since he was just here last night, but I'm going to have to ask Russ to come over again. I tried to make this bundle last two days like he asked, but... I went a little overboard. What else was I supposed to do while being cooped up in here all day?! I get that he's been trying to keep a low profile since the Gold's don't know about him yet, but we had a deal- one that he needs to keep up his end of, because if not? I won't hesitate to sell him out to Jena. Dane won't care. Sure, she'll be mad, but she'll move on like she always does. 

I fall back onto the bed, watching the jungle leaf shaped blades of my ceiling fan swirl faster and faster until it's just a wooden blur. How did I get myself in this stupid situation, I wonder, feeling my body seemingly sink into the bed as my thoughts move at snail speed across my brain. To be honest, I don't even think I care anymore- I'm probably not getting out of this alive. I laugh I think, but I can't tell the high from... whatever this is anymore. I like that a lot, and close my eyes to ride the wave of peacefulness that presents itself to me.