Jenalyn: Disconnected (#5) [Complete]

Chapter 8: Tyler

Thu. 12/24/08 • 10:29 P.M. PST

I scroll down the webpage on my phone, silently reading along with Hayden as she reads out loud. I've known about Bar 54 for a while now, but definitely didn't know the details on the New Years Eve Party they throw on their rooftop lounge.

"Mama G really outdid herself, huh?" I laugh as Hayden finishes, scrolling down on my phone only to see that she spent way more than I thought she did paying for these tickets.

I'm not going to lie, it's been a bit awkward since getting to Hayden's place. Harper stayed over for about 15 minutes to help get the baby settled, and acted as kind of a buffer- but since we've been alone? I don't really know the right thing to talk about, you know? And she's not really offering much help.

"They're really all about that 'swanky' shit..." is all she offers as she slides out of her towel, and into an old Generation Z 2005 tour t-shirt. "What does that even mean? And how can I go if I'm not 21? It clearly said aged 21+."

I have to refrain the part of me still fiending for her from getting too turned on thinking about the fact that she's probably had that shirt since the tour, and cherished it enough to bring along with her when she uprooted her life.

I was weak earlier in her old bedroom.

I know that sex is one of the things Hayden struggles with in some form or another, and I'm sure allowing it to be a deflection for her earlier probably wasn't considered too "healthy..."

I couldn't help myself then, but I've got to now. I'm trying to do this the right way...

"Eh, it basically means elegant. Fancy. Posh. Ritzy. And you're Hayden Gold! They'd pay you to show up if Mama G didn't strees that our trip is strictly vacation!" I respond after a moment, physically having to look away from her not to grow hard and give myself away. She climbs into the bed across from where I sit. Am I supposed to do the same? I'm not really sure how this 'be with you, but not be with you' thing works. "-that type of stuff. Do you... do you want me to go sleep on one of the couches, or?"

Hayden stops fluffing the huge down pillow sitting beside her to flatten her brows at me as of I'd just said the stupidest thing she's ever heard.

"Really?" she asks, her voice unimpressed. She let's out a sigh, and then picks back up on fluffing her pillow. Once she's done, she leans over to her nightstand to twist off the caps of two pill bottles, pop a few pills in her mouth, and then sip the glass of ice water sitting on the coaster beside her phone. It feels like minutes before she continues. "Tyler, get in the freaking bed. You're not going to go fucking sleep on a couch like- ... like you did something wrong."

I don't mean to laugh, but it's an automatic response considering everything that happened and the fact that she practically broke up with me earlier today.

"Well, didn't I?" the words escape my lips before my mind can have any objections about it. I know that I should stop after that, but it's too late now. I'm already going on. "I mean there's got to be a reason you don't want to be with me, right? Is it because you were with the crazy ex for all that time in Pennsylvania? Were you guys even together like that? Because he said it wasn't even like that. So I just, I thought- ya know, considering the fact that I practically saved you and our daughter- because he didn't do shit but drop you on a goddamned bench- that you might want to be with me if I didn't do anything wrong..."

There's a longer silence than I think my mind is prepared for after I can finally stop the words from rambling out of my mouth.

I know I just fucked up...

The Golds don't really know what went down in Pennsylvania at the request of Hayden, of course- but for weeks prior to Hayden even getting out of the hospital, Harper practically prepped me on the what-and-what-not-to-do's according to Hayden's treatment plan.

Waiting for Hayden to feel comfortable enough to talk about "her incident" openly and comfortably with us was a do.

Whatever I just did? Yeah... I'm pretty sure that'd be considered a don't.

"You need to calm down, Tyler," Hayden sighs after a few moments, her reaction far from the one I'd usually get from her having just blown up like that. "Can you just... get in bed? I'm not ready to talk about any of this, okay? You had you chance at Mama Golds..."

I can only react by getting into the bed like she asks. Anything else, and I'll just make a bad situation worse and end up hating myself for it later.

"What are you ready for?" I still mumble, mostly under my breath but apparently still loud enough for Hayden to hear.

She let's out a quiet and frustrated sigh, at least a certain indication that, somewhere in there she still has feelings. She snaps off the headboard light, scooting the overly expensive baby monitor Harper had set up before she left over to my side before throwing herself back on her pillow.

"I'm ready for round two," she says matter of factly with another sigh. She turns over to face me. "Can't you just be happy with that?"