Jenalyn: Disconnected (#5) [Complete]

Chapter 86: Hayden

Tues. 3/17/09 • 11:33 P.M. PST

The room spins around me, but I'm not even dizzy. All I can focus on is Russ, and the way his hands excitedly roam my body as he carries me from the lounge bed on the balcony back into the bedroom. 

It was so easy for us to get back into our regular flirty banter after our conversation earlier. One thing lead to another, the sight of the clear night sky brought us out to the balcony, and the next thing I knew is that we're passionately making out under the bright night stars.

Only after we heard the presence of another couple below our balcony but out of sight, did we decide we should probably move this party to the privacy of the bedroom. 

"A- are you sure you want to do this?" Russ asks between kisses as he slides open the glass door with his foot. He doesn't even bother to shut it after we make it inside; It's risky, but I like it. 

Why wouldn't I want this? I'm obsessed with the way he makes me feel when we have sex. I easily nod my head without any hesitation, "Of course," I tell him between the kisses I plant on his neck. "Stupid question."

I can feel Russ' breathing grow heavier the more worked up he gets. I know how bad he wants me and it only makes me want him more. 

"I- I still have to talk you though..." he reminds me in a whisper, pulling away for a moment to try to look at me. I can't stop planting kisses along his warm neck and stubbly jaw though. He lets out an exasperated sigh before continuing. "I just...I don't know how you're going to feel, or if you'll even want this anymore after, beautiful... I- I don't want to overstep any boundaries..." 

It's hard for me to focus on what he's saying. Between the alcohol and ecstasy his touch brings me, my mind can't think on anything else except how perfect he feels against me. It takes a few moments to process his words, and when I do I have to resist the urge to roll my eyes. 

I doubt that whatever he has to talk about could hold any weight against anything Jena has ever done. Even in my drunken state, I can honestly admit that to myself. Knowing that, I'm sure I could find a way to forgive him for his "mistake," even if it's that he slept with Evelyn.

It's the same thing I've asked of so many people, so many times... 

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," I breath heavy into his ear. "Let's just... do this while we have it?"

Russ doesn't object but I can tell it's still heavy on his mind as he lowers me onto the bed. I wish I could comfort him, let him know I'm completely content never finding out what he did, but I know it's something he needs to get off his chest. Forcing him to hold it in any longer than tomorrow would just ne cruel.

I'm not sure what to do about it. Right now, this is the only thing I'm sure of. I need to make love to him in case this is the last chance I'll ever have... 

He can easily accept the things I told him I've done in the past, but to find that I've already done the same thing to him in the present? For no reason other than the fact that I was selfish and only concerned about Ty knocking Sophie up? 

I'm sure that would be the end of us. 

Russ presses up against me, effortlessly sending a wave of pleasure through my body. It's still so unfamiliar to me; We've made love so many times in the past few months, and the love he's made me feel while doing it has never even threatened to dwindle. 

He's the only guy this has ever happened with. 

I've slept with a few guys; That's no secret. If the sex wasn't just for primal or pleasure purposes in the first place, it has always grown to be for one reason or another! The love wasn't there, just the lust.