Jenalyn: Disconnected (#5) [Complete]

Chapter 13: Hayden

Mon. 12/29/08 • 5:06 P.M. EST

I've been waiting for the right time to tell Ty about the announcement I made today regarding our baby's name, but no time feels like the right time. The last few days being with him have been... hectic to say the least. 

He senses the disconnect between me and the baby; I'm sure that telling him what I did today would only open up conversation about it. I can pretend for him all I want, but he still knows behind it all, I'm having a hard time bonding with her because I lost McKaiden. 

"Aw, look at that little smile!" Ty coos into his phone. I turn around, my face scrunched up in confusion with my knowledge that he's in a video chat with Mama Gold. It takes a moment for me to process that she turned her camera to the baby. "Hayden, come look at this itty bitty smile! She's looking more and more like you every day!"

My first inclination is to tell him that I can see it from where I stand in the kitchen of our hotel suite, avoiding any extra contact with the baby like I have been for the last 4 days. I'm quick to remember Mama Gold on the other end of the phone though, and make my way over to avoid any questioning on her end.

I'm supposed to be gah gah for this baby.

"Oh, wow!" I sing as I lower myself beside Ty, taking his phone. The baby's gummy smile fills his screen, her wide eyes darting around as she tries to process what she sees. "She really is all smiles, isn't she? Look at that little dimple!" 

The baby's smile fades and her mouth falls open as my voice echos through Mama Gold's speaker. For a moment, I hear a voice in the back of my head telling me that it's okay I don't bond with this baby because she clearly doesn't like me either. It's short lived though because her smile almost immediately returns, partnered with a few small giggles and a coo. "She gets that dimple from her mommy!" Mama Gold exclaims in the background of her video chat. 

Ty is quick to follow up. "Can you see how much she looks like you yet?" He asks excitedly.

I have to refrain from rolling my eyes knowing I'm still on camera with Mama Gold. Instead, I force a smile across my lips and pull the phone closer to my face. 

"A little bit!" I respond before I even get a good look at her. Needless to say, I don't really want to gawk at this baby looking for resemblances; The last time I did that, I saw something that has been eating away at my mind ever since. 

I saw Dane...

This time, I go into it thinking about McKaiden... Pretending that Madison really is McKaiden. This time, I really do see more of myself in her than anyone.

"A little bit?!" Mama Gold laughs, turning the camera to herself for a moment to playfully furrow her brows at me before turning it back to the baby. "She's your twin! Look at those eyebrows! That hairline!" 

I let myself fall into laughter, unable to peel my eyes from the baby. She does have my full eyebrows, for sure. I always wondered if McKaiden would get my brows. No- I prayed she would, imagining a little baby girl with Rob's bushy unkempt brows. She turned out perfect. 

McKaiden turned out perfect... 

"She's perfect," I say after a few moments, the words easily slipping from my lips when my mind really can see her as McKaiden. 

I wish it would stay like this forever.

I'm interrupted when Ty's phone vibrates and his notification bar drops down to reveal a text from Gage. I let Mama Gold know he got a text before handing him his phone, standing up, and heading back to where I sat at the island in the kitchen. 

Did I really just read what I thought I read? 

Gage: I'm in New York
with the new gf. Wanna
meet up? Dub date?