Jenalyn: Disconnected (#5) [Complete]

Chapter 51: Hayden

Sat. 1/31/09 • 3:07 P.M. PST
About three weeks later...

"Hayden! Hayden! How was the show? Hayden! Look this way, honey! Look this way! How was the show?! Hayden!"

Oh great. Even with all of the planning the staff of this venue did to make sure no paparazzi got to the back lot of the stadium, one has managed to get through. I put on my Hayden smile and shoot him a thumbs up as Ivan, Reina and I make our way to our truck.

"Look this way, honey!" Ivan mimics as soon as we get out of ear shot. He opens the back door to the truck and helps me inside before leaning into me with a wink. "You want me to go take him out? Who is he to call you honey? Boy, I oughta!"

I laugh, rolling my eyes. Ivan has been my body guard ever since things started to kick off with Hayden. He and Reina, my publicist, are almost always by my side whenever it comes to work, so we've been spending a lot of time together this past week.

"For calling me honey?!" I laugh as soon as he shuts my door and makes his way to the driver's seat. "That doesn't seem like a thing someone should get taken out for."

Reina climbs in the passenger seat, but turns around to playfully roll her eyes too. "You know Ivan is too dramatic! He's been looking for an excuse to take somebody out for days, you know that!"

We all laugh as Ivan pulls out of the stadium parking lot and onto a highway. He and Reina continue to go back and forth with eachother in the front seat, satisfied with my half assed interjections coming from the back. I have a habit of checking my phone while in the car during work days; It's the only time my mind can slow down enough to process anything.

I start on my message thread with Mama G, Harper, and Harlee. Harper has had McKaiden at Mama G's for the day while I was working, and I'm sure they've messaged me a hundred times telling me about it.

Mama G: Tummy time
is my favorite time
Harper: I second that!

Harper sent a video of McKaiden, her tiny head bobbing above the floor during her "tummy time" today. I can't help a smile from forming across my lips; I can't believe I made her...

Ivan turns back to let me know I have 5 minutes until we arrive at our next stop for my photoshoot and interview. We got here a lot faster than I thought we would!

I quickly send a series of heart emojis before saving the video to my phone and scrolling to my next unread message.

Evelyn.

Ev: You look good. I
didn't know this show
was actually aired
live. Cool.
Ev: When am I going
to be able to do things
with you? You said
you were going to tell
your "mom" about me
like 2 weeks ago...
Ev: I'm boooored! You
don't even leave the
baby with me. I just
get to sit here all day...
alone...
Ev: 😑

I feel bad that I have to keep Ev cooped up in my house all of the time, but I'd feel worse if I let her out and something bad came of it...

I've been doing really well as Hayden these past few weeks, but that doesn't mean I can't still feel Jena in the back of my mind just waiting for a moment she can take over. If not for the fact that allowing Evelyn that far into Hayden's life would tempt Jena to come out more, then we still have to worry about Dane. If he saw that I had Ev out here with me?

Chum to a shark. And I don't want him anywhere near me, ever again. Not after what he did to McK-...

I feel my mind and body start to tremble at the thought, and quickly brush it from my mind. I can't think about that; Not if I want everything to stay perfect.

I rush to indulge my mind in dealing with Evelyn.

Me: How do you expect
me to leave Kaiden there?
What am I supposed
to tell my Mama G? I left
the baby home alone?
Me: I'm working on it, Ev!
I'll be home in a little bit.
We can do something fun.

Evelyn wastes no time before responding. It wouldn't be crazy to think she that she sits by her phone all day waiting for me to answer her while I'm working. I feel bad when I do it, but I quickly exit our thread before she can send the message, hoping it stays on "unread."

Ivan is pulling into a large parking lot that I'm pretty familiar with from previous shoots for the same company. I only have a about a minute left before I have to dive back into full on "Hayden mode," and I still have about 6 unread threads from numerous different people.

Ty: Just got an invite
from Mama G to Harper's
surprise bday party. It's
up to you. I'd love to go but
can make up an excuse if
you want.

I don't bother responding to Ty right now, I know I can deal with that later. It doesn't surprise me that he got an invite; Mama Gold is still pretty convinced that we're together. But the truth is that we barely even talk anymore, and our baby switch-offs are getting more and more awkward with each week that passes.

I've been thinking about breaking the news to Mama Gold that we're not together, but again... I can deal with that later.

Russ: Hello gorgeous.
Russ: How would you feel
about a night at my place?
I can make you dinner... did
I tell you I went to Culinary
School?

My heart thuds in my chest the same way it always does when Russell messages me. We've hung out a few more times since the movie night, always at my place though. And despite everything inside of me wanting to do more with this man, he's never taken it further than a kiss on my head before he departs for the night.

I have no idea why it drives me crazy, but Jena seems to be in agreement with it, and I can't go against something as rare as that!

As much as I would love to say yes though, I can't tonight. When Russell and I hang out any other time, it's usually the nights when I don't have McKaiden. She's at Mama Gold's now, but as soon as I'm done this photoshoot/interview, we're headed there to pick her up.

Me: YOUR house?! Wow,
what ever did I do to
deserve such a privilege?

Ivan parks the truck just as I finish my message, but no sooner than he does that does he get a call from who sounds to be my manager, AJ.

I quickly type out another message.

Me: I have my baby
tonight... rain check
for Wednesday?

I should probably just invite him to come over tonight, but something inside of me is against it. He's never been around while I had the baby, and I like it better that way... It's nothing personal to him or anything- I feel the same way with Evelyn! Or anyone other than The Golds or Robsons, for that matter!

I think that's normal for new mothers...

I don't expect to get a response by the time Ivan finishes getting a "rundown" from AJ on what we're here to do today. I'm surprised when my phone vibrates in my hand.

Russ: One of your
sisters can't watch her
for the night? Isn't that
the point of those things?
😉 Wed? I'll have to get
back to you on that. I
travel for work a lot,
may be out of town.

I don't have time to respond before Ivan is opening my door and urging me out of the truck, Reina babbling on about something I can't pay any mind to by his side.

I have to get my head into full on "Hayden mode," but Jena suddenly wants to have her voice heard.

It's normal for mothers to have babysitters! She yells at me. We're allowed to go out for a night, everything can still be perfect if we go out for a night!

I'm used to trying to tune her out because she usually only aims to get me into some kind of trouble, but she isn't really lying or trying to deceive me right now, right?

I've known plenty of mothers with young children that have left their babies with sitters...

Can't I?