Jenalyn: Disconnected (#5) [Complete]

Chapter 18: Hayden

Mon. 12/29/08 • 9:42 P.M. EST

Jena has been in such a rush to get back to our suite so she can douse herself in the alcohol she knows Ty had waiting for her there that she rushed through my meal without any complaints. She knew that bullshitting with her food, as her eating disorder always demands, would only tack on extra time before she could indulge in one of her many bad habits.

I couldn't help myself from purging as soon as we got back to the suite. The afflictive sensation of not feeling empty was too much for my discombobulated mind to wrap itself around, so I waited until everybody went to smoke a joint on the balcony and then stuck my fingers down my throat. It's crazy how quick my mind began to crumble again once I left Miermont. I gained 14 pounds during my four month stay: A goal Dr. Song had set for me that I was certain I wouldn't achieve.

I'm already down 6 pounds; Its been five days.

"Should we do mixed drinks tonight considering..." Gage begins to ask as we all make our way to the kitchen where the two bottles Ty bought sit on the kitchen island. His eyes wander to me for a moment, but he quickly adverts his gaze when he realizes I'm looking right back at him. I know he wants to mention that we should go light tonight considering the fact that I just got out of rehab. He clears his throat instead though, and continues on without mentioning me at all. "Well- considering that Jordy and I have a flight to catch at 12 tomorrow, I guess... Traveling with hangovers is no fun."

Jordy? Is that supposed to be a pet name or something? Is it supposed to be cute? It only makes me want to throw up in my mouth.

I quickly reach across island to the bottle of vodka, sliding four of the shot glasses Ty had also bought for the occasion in front of each of us before letting out a small laugh. "No way!" I exclaim, tearing open the bottle with an excitement in my veins I haven't felt in a while. Jena is pushing her way to the front of my mind, and I don't even bother to stop her. "We're taking shots! Turn the music on babe! Adjust the lighting!"

I crack open the bottle, turning to face Ty for a moment before pouring any of the shots. A look of surprises crosses over his face having heard me call him babe; As far as he knows, we aren't even technically together. I haven't seriously called him anything other than Ty or Tyler in quite a while. I wonder if he catches onto the fact that I'm putting on more of a show for Gage and Jordan. Well- for Gage... but same difference. Still, he follows my lead, making his way out into the living room to set the mood right like I'd requested.

"Oh, wow! I don't know if I can do all of that!" Jordan laughs with apprehension dripping from each giggle. "I can barely handle a margarita! How am I supposed to just down shots?!"

Gage chuckles and wraps his arm around her waist as if she'd just said the cutest thing in the world. Is he trying to piss me off?

"Oh, you can do it!" I hear Jena's voice, full of intention, escape from my lips as I pour the final shot and start sliding the glasses carefully across the island. I can tell she's trying to sound friendly, but a sense of malintent still lingers in my mouth as she starts forming her follow up. "The worst that happens is that you pass out! We can't all hang with the big boys! It's okay!"

Jena shoots Jordan a wink as if to have been joking around, but I can sense that an unconscious Jordan is exactly what she's is looking for tonight.

Jordan juts out her bottom lip, turning toward Gage for consolation. He offers it up to her with little hesitation, both unintentionally and low key intentionally urging me to turn around to find Ty before I have to see anymore of their gushy bullshit.

I call out to him over the loud bass echoing through the high ceiling of the suite. He shows up still wearing a hidden look of discontent knowing I'm about to drink after having just spent four months in rehab. I can't help but hope Gage doesn't recognize the look; That goes against Jena's plan to give him a taste of his own medicine.

That goes against her plan to prove her point.