Jenalyn: Disconnected (#5) [Complete]

Chapter 87: Hayden

Wed. 3/18/09 • 12:04 A.M. PST

Russ seemed a little worried about our little "situation" earlier while we were having sex. He didn't seem mad, but he also apologized four times and asked if we should be worried...

I let him know I wasn't worried at all, and it's the truth. I'm not worried because I purposely let him cum inside of me hoping for a pregnancy. He doesn't know that though, and it calmed him down, so...

I left it at that.

"I didn't realize how much I needed this vacation," I say suddenly as I lay across his bare chest drawing swirls in the center of it while he softly tickles my back. The TV hanging over the fireplace murmurs softly in the background. "Thank you for this. It's been... great."

I feel Russ nod his head. "You're welcome, beautiful," he says, sleep apparent in his voice. "Thank you for coming with me."

The slow strokes of his fingertips along my shoulder blade slows to a stop as he starts to doze off. I could tell he was spent after we finished; I don't blame him. Why aren't I tired though?

I know I should let him sleep, but something inside of me won't let me. As silly as it is, if this really is our last night together I never want it to end.

"What was your favorite part?" I suddenly ask, jerking my head up to look at him in case my voice wasn't enough to wake him.

His eyelids droop, but he's opened them enough to look down at me through the dim lighting of our hotel room. "Favorite part?" he asks. "Hmm... just getting to be here with you is my favorite part. What about you? What was yours?"

I want to say the sex was my favorite, but we could have done that whether or not we were here on this vacation. I take a moment to think on it, compiling tipsy memories of the night together in my mind to respond before he has the chance to doze off again.

I really opened up to him tonight...

"My favorite part was talking to you, actually..." I say as the thought meets the front of my mind. It's not a lie. I spoke to him about things that little to no people know about me. Sure, I prefer it that way sometimes, but to still have him love me after hearing it? There's a level of security that comes with that, and it was easily my favorite part of this vacation.

Russ' brows scrunch together in confusion."Talking to me?" he asks with a quick laugh, his chest jerking with his laughter beneath me. "What's so special about talking to me?"

I shrug my shoulders although I can easily explain why it's special. "I've never really told anybody the things I told you earlier..." I say as I lower my gaze back to the series of swirls I still draw on his chest. "I mean... my sister Harper maybe, but she really only knows bits and pieces. I've never like... poured my soul out like that before. I didn't think you'd handle it very well to be honest..."

Russ nods again, switching from tickling my back to mindlessly running his fingers through my straightened hair. "Well, I'm glad then," he says with another laugh before leaving a few moments of reflective silence between us.

I figure he'll probably fall asleep again soon and finally force myself to deal with the fact that I've got to just let it happen. He suddenly lets out a troubled sigh though and lifts my head to his with his free hand.

"Hayden? Can I- Can I please talk to you about this situation I'm in now? I- I know by tomorrow, you mean when we wake up later on today, but... I don't know. I just think the sooner I tell you, the better the outcome will be," he says. "I... I don't want to lose you; I honestly should have done it a long time ago but... I didn't know how to approach it with you."

Ugh, this again.

I peel myself from his chest and prop myself up on my elbow beside him with a small sigh. I'm not trying to seem annoyed, I would just really rather we put this off as long as we can...

I don't want to lose him either.

"Please?" Russ asks after a couple of moments trying to read my expression. He must notice the reluctance flooding both my voice and face. His brows raise in concern as he continues, and all traces of sleep diminish from his tone and demeanor. "I- I'm really starting to think it's more urgent than I was lead to believe... I love you, Hayden, and I need to tell you... I don't know how to fix it otherwise..."

More urgent? Lead to believe? What in the absolute hell? He's not making me feel any more willing to listen to whatever it is he's done!

We're already in this far though... he wouldn't let me turn back if I tried.

I take a deep breath, not even bothering to hide the unimpressed look on my face because he's already caught onto it at this point. "Go ahead," I tell him with a sigh. "Tell me."

Russ let's out a relieved sigh, but the same look of worry he wears whenever he mentions this is just as quick to return to his face. He sits himself up, takes a deep breath, and then turns to me. "Okay..." he says, his tone changed to that of a teen who'd just been caught sneaking in after a night out. "I- I want to start with an apology though. I... didn't know what I was getting into, and I had no idea I'd fall for you like this! I'd take it all back in a second if I could, Hayden... I promise you that. No- swear! I just hope you can forgive me."

I nod my head, urging him to continue with my eyes although it's really the last thing I want him to do. I don't know what he did but I don't want to imagine I couldn't find a way to forgive him.

What if I could forgive him, but Jena couldn't? What if I have the best intentions for this relationship, but she grows resentful? I can't exactly predict these kinds of things! All I know is that she seems to be in agreement with me when it comes to my desire to stay in the dark on this.

Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. If she's okay staying blind to whatever it is he's done, I should take advantage of it!

I should, but I can't. He's made that pretty clear.

Russ let's out a shakey sigh, his eyes wide in worry as he goes to continue. I hold my breath in anticipation but we're interrupted when my phone, sitting on the nightstand beside the hotel bed, starts ringing.

Wow, talk about saved by the bell!

Very few people would call me this time of night unless it was an emergency, right? I should definitely answer...

I snatch up my phone and answer it without even bothering to see who it is.

"Where the fuck are you?!" I hear as soon as I put the phone to my ear. It's a sobering question once I'm able to process whose voice it is screaming it. My mind quickly connects the dots, leaving a sick feeling deep in the pit of my stomach.

Tyler? Angrily asking where I am?

Those are the first questions my mind asks itself, but they quickly lead me to the next.

Why would he be questioning where I was unless he was at my house, and aware that I currently am not?

What is he doing at my house?!