Jenalyn: Disconnected (#5) [Complete]

Chapter 43: Hayden

Wed. 1/07/09 • 7:46 P.M. PST

I really like this library despite the memories that still line the walls, even since they've been remodeled and hidden behind endless bookshelves. I wonder if I'll ever even touch any of these books I'm sure Mama Gold paid a pretty penny for!

Hayden would- I could... but Jenalyn would use this room for nothing more than she already did before we even moved into the house. I can't stand the thought. I've been doing so good since coming back from New York last week. It seems like a small feat, but big things happen with little steps!

I run my finger along the top shelf of a bookcase I know is filled with books I'd actually read, and not ones that Mama G had put up just for show. I've always wanted to get into the Harry Potter series- maybe now is as good a time as ever! I go to grab the first book of the series when I'm interrupted by Evelyn's voice vibrating through the high ceilings.

"What are we even doing in here?" Evelyn groans from where she sit on a long table centering the library. "You're going to read a book, Jena? Is that what all of this has done for you? Got you into books? I thought this would be way more epic! Like... parties, friends, events!"

I turn around to face her, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. I'm sure Evelyn has no interest in books due to her lack of education, but I don't dare say that because I know it's not her fault. I'm also aware of her belief that I am still Jena beneath who I want to be as Hayden. She just doesn't understand that Jena has to be eliminated completely. There is no middle ground with her, and I can't have her messing up the only good thing I could provide for McKaiden.

"There's nothing wrong with reading books, Ev," I say as I make my way over to her. I lean up against the table beside where she sits and turn to face her. "But I get it. Who wants to sit around and watch their friend read? Hmm... we could watch movies or something! I could ask Harper to run us to Best Buy for a projector! We could set it up in the backyard! That'd be cool!"

I've always wanted to do that, it was on my bucket list. I've seen it on TV and in movies and used to think about how cool it would be. Evelyn has listened to so many of silly things I wanted to do before I died, chiming in often with a "oh, I want that on mine!" We always thought they were just things we'd dream about, but nothing we'd ever have the opportunity to actually do! We were just two girls from Creekside.

Shit, Ev had it worse than me! At least I got to check off a few good things because of my relationship with Dane. She obviously didn't have the extravagant getaways he kept hidden away for himself.

I expect her to perk up at the offer but if anything, she deflates. "Parties, Jena! Hell, let's drink a little bit, it's not like McKaiden is here!" she sighs as she jumps down from the table. "Let's do something! Anything! I'll lose my mind if you keep me cooped up in this house any longer! Don't you know any socialites? People who get into the whole celebrity scene?"

I can no longer resist the urge to roll my eyes. I didn't bring her out here to "get into the whole celebrity scene." Jenalyn hasn't even gotten into all of that yet, and I'm definitely not about to let her.

I've been doing so good keeping her quiet. I didn't think I would be able to with Evelyn around; She's usually a trigger for Jena. I can't let myself slip!

"No parties, no drinks, no scenes!" I scowl, slowly following behind Evelyn as she aimlessly makes her way around the library. "I brought you out here so I could help you get on your feet, remember? So you could help me get on mine!"

I watch as Ev shrugs her shoulder with a sigh. I was hoping she'd drop it considering how contradictory her request is from the sob story she showed up at my hotel with in New York.

Nope.

It seems the Evelyn I have been blessed with this last week has left the building, and full blown brat Evy is back. I could tell she was growing more and more anxious as the days passed. She seemed worried... like she was fighting a deadline for something she has put no work into at all, but when I asked her what was going on? Mum's the word.

"We're not going to go off the rail over a little party of a couple of drinks, Jena!" she snaps, turning around to face me with a fire in her eyes I recognize from her brother. I don't want to see it, but the resemblance is uncanny. "I- I can't just sit around like this, okay? Not sober! I have a lot of my mind, okay?! I need to just-"

"Calm down!" I exclaim in the panic of watching Evelyn spiral out of control right in front of me. I know she isn't going to get violent or anything, but I can't stand watching the same fire in her eyes that burns in Dane's when he does. "We're not going out, especially when you're like this! If you don't like it, you're welcome to leave- you know where the door is. That's final, okay? However, I recognize you're going a little stir crazy and there's a lot on your mind. We can talk!"

Evelyn looks like she could cry in anger. I'm not sure if this is just a temper tantrum, or if I really should be concerned about her mental state right now. A few moments pass, the air tense between us as I wait for her next move. She clenches and unclenches her fists as she seemingly contemplates it.

Jena would only make this situation worse. Evelyn should be thankful I have to get rid of Jena because if she really does need someone, if she really isn't okay?

Hayden is the only one who could help her.

"Let's get a projector, Ev," I offer, my voice softer and less authorative than before. "Remember when we'd dream about winning the contest, and using the money to do everything on our lists? We can do it! We'll grab a projector, set up a nice spot under the gazeebo with string lights out back, and watch scary movies like we used to in those God forsaken apartments! It'll be nice! We can talk about what's bothering you, and- and we'll figure something out! We always do!"

I don't know if it will work because Evelyn still stands there holding her breath in frustration for quite a few moments after I've finished. I question whether or not Jena will suddenly come to Ev's rescue by agreeing to get my hands on some liquor, at least, just because I'm so used to that being my usual outcome. Moments pass though, and before anything can come of my questioning Evelyn let's out a deep sigh.

"Fine," she says suddenly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Can we at least smoke more than the two bowls you've allowed us since we got out here? Weed isn't even a real drug."

I let out a breath of air I didn't know I held in. If smoking a little more pot than I've allowed myself this past week is the only stipulation she has to calm her tantrum, I'm not knocking it! I've only limited myself because I wasn't sure how McKaiden would take to the new supplement we have her on because my body is having a hard time producing much milk.

"Deal!" I exclaim, practically throwing my hands into the air. "I'll call Harper right now! Come on!"

She doesn't look excited, but she doesn't have Dane's fire in her eyes anymore, and that's enough for me. I never want to see that again.