Jenalyn: Disconnected (#5) [Complete]

Chapter 20: Hayden

Mon. 12/29/08 • 11:08 P.M. EST

I have to take a few moments to gather myself before I can make an attempt to go after Ty. The alcohol is rushing through my veins and crippling my ability to think straight. What even just happened?

Jena is quick to sneer her version of the truth in my ears as I brush my curly stray hair behind my ears. She tells me that I fucked up because I ruined my opportunity to prove to Gage that he would fuck around behind his "loved one's" back too. The parts of Hayden that are still hanging on tell me different though; They tell me that I fucked up because I confused Ty for Gage in a drunken stupor, and sold myself out. I don't know who to listen to, but before I have a chance to contemplate it, Jena's monster is roaring so loud in my mind that I can't focus on anything else.

I open the bathroom door with a sigh, Jena disagreeing with her monster for once as we make our way over to the bed where Ty stands pulling a black T-shirt over his wife beater. Jena wants to worry about Ty later, and pursue her plan involving Gage because she needs to know that he's still hers, and not seriously hung up on this airheaded Jordan chick. Her monster is still too worked up from it's perceived close encounter in the bathroom though, and knows Ty is a quick fix for her addiction.

I approach him uncertain of what to say, but decide on nothing when he turns to face me and none of the frustration he held on it just moments ago is present. I keep my eyes glued to his, searching for any sign of anger and coming up with none. Maybe he forgot already; Is he really that drunk?

I don't even care; It works in my favor.

When I make it to him, I slowly wrap my arms around his firm torso to press my face into his chest. "I'm sorry," I mumble into the soft cotten of his t-shirt. It smells just like the room at our house; It's an odd comfort. "I messed up letting you think I love your brother like that, it's a different kind of love... You know I love love you; I don't have that with him! Let me make it up to you..."

I pull away from my embrace with him, Jena's monster deciding to channel its "Jena in Miermont, take 1" mindset as she lowers me to the ground in front of him. She immediately moves in to unbutton his jeans, only for him to inturrupt her with a look of confusion on his face.

"Hayden, what're you-" he tries to say, only to cut himself off trying to keep me from pulling down his zipper. "We're not doing this-"

It's too late though. I already let Jena take my head completely.

I inturrupt him, raising my eyes to meet his with my brows flattened. Memories of earlier today when my monster failed to use her powers on him are quick to flood my mind. For a moment, I panic thinking it's going to throw me off in the same way it did earlier; I can't handle that again. My monster has been locked away stewing in the back of my mind too long to delay this any longer. She needs her release, and I have to give it to her. The parts of Hayden still hanging on know Ty would rather it be him than the many other people my monster could find- so he's just going to have to suck it up.

"What, you still don't want me?" I ask, looking up at him from where I kneel on the floor to jut out my bottom lip. "You really don't love me anymore? Because I can't help being attracted to somebody who could have literally been you had he wanted a little extra room in utero? I love you, okay? Why can't that be enough?"

Ty still looks so confused. "Where is this even coming from? You know I love you, okay? There, I said it!" he exclaims, trying to peel my hands from his jeans button when I attempt to unbutton them again. "You're drunk, Hayden. Come on, get up..."

My monster is losing what little patience she had in the first place. I pull myself to my feet the best I can having all those shots influencing my movement the way they do. "Are you really going to do this to me again?" I snap, all of the emotions my monster let's seep into my brain suddenly too much to handle. I feel my eyes well up with tears. "Don't you fucking get it by now? There is something wrong with me! I can't fucking control it, okay?! You think I want to be doing all of this? You think I want to fucking ruin a relationship I used to fucking fantasize about just because I'm fucking horny? Get real! It's a lot deeper than that, and you know it! Stop punishing me for something I can't control! How can you say you love me, and then deny me instead of helping me? I'm trying to fix us!"

Ty's eyes are panicked the moment he notices that I'm crying. Confusion is still dormant in his eyes, but the panic clearly takes over as he reaches out to comfort me. "Hey... there's nothing wrong with you, okay? You're good! We're good!" he tries to console me. "Why does... this have to be the way to fix it? It's just... not right... Not right now, not this way. I love you, but I love you enough not to let you think that this will fix anything!"

My monster had her foot in the door the moment he reached out to comfort me instead of arguing with me like I half expected him to. Having served their purpose, she closes the gates allowing any emotion into my brain and picks up where she left off before he tried to deny her. "You know why this has to be the way to fix it. If you love me..." she says, lowering me down in front of him again to start unbutonning his jeans. He rolls his eyes, but doesn't make an attempt to stop me. "Then you will let me make it up to you..."

I unbutton his pants without any resistance from him, and slide his boxers over until I can pull him out. Ty's breathing is heavy; I can tell the anticipation of having my mouth around him is making him crazy. He looks upset but I ignore it and proceed to gently stroke him anyway. It doesn't take long for him to grow hard in my hands, but I can still sense a hidden reluctance.

Why won't he just let go? Doesn't he know what a big deal it is for me to offer him head? I don't do this for anyone after what happened to me as a little girl...

"You don't want this?" I ask suddenly, the heat from my breath undoubtedly brushing against the bare skin on his fully exposed dick. I expect him to dismiss the fact that I asked at all because it's practically impossible for men to deny head when offered.

He shakes his head though. "No- I do..." he says, uncertainty in his voice. "This just... isn't right... I'm going to pay for this. He's my brother!"

I ignore him after he admits he wants it; Ty is no stranger to acting out during sex after we've been arguing. He tries to act reluctant because he thinks we should talk things out instead of trying to fix things with sex, but I know him. He'll get over this whole Gage thing... he always does.

Without another word, I wrap my lips around his swollen head and gently flick my tongue across him. His hand immediately finds my head, uncontrollably shoving my head down further until he reaches the back of my throat.

"I'm soooo going to pay for this..." are the last words to come out of his mouth before my monster takes him over too. I knew he couldn't deny her; Nobody can.