Jenalyn: Disconnected (#5) [Complete]

Chapter 48: Hayden

Wed. 1/07/09 • 11:32 P.M. PST

It didn't take as long as I thought it would to get everything up in the backyard. We already had a cozy spot to set the blankets up under the dimly lit gazebo I share with my sisters. It was just a matter of setting the projector up, which Russell made extremely easy. Apparently he does some work with electronics.

We're about thirty minutes into the movie when he asks me if I'd mind showing him where the bathroom is, which I automatically assume means he's going to try to for a quickie. Jena doesn't have to be present to remind me about her knowledge of men's only intentions with me, but the thought of it is enough to tempt her to be.

I walk Russell through the sliding glass doors leading back into my section of the house, only thinking about the bathroom located inside of our pool house after the fact. It's a lot closer, but we might as well just use one of the downstairs bathrooms instead. We're already this far.

Maybe that was Jena's attempt at having a shot to ease her monster's yelling tonight- "forgetting" about the bathroom located about 15 feet from the gazebo we sat under. I know that aside from the cocaine Russell flashed me earlier while we were in Best Buy, that Jena would only come around right now to calm her monster.

I've had such good control over her, but I can still feel the ghost of her wants and needs among the rest of the pieces of my mind. I can try to control her all I want, but the truth of the matter is that if Jena wants something bad enough, she's going to make herself known.

I'm just focused more on trying to reach a compromise...

Russell, though a bit more forward than anyone other than Dane has been while trying to get with me, seems like a cool guy, I guess... Hayden can have a one night stand! I feel like all single celebrities do at some point, right?

We make it to the large bathroom beside my livingroom, both pausing outside of the door before Russell reaches into his pocket and pulls out his baggie of coke.

"You still want to get in on this?" he asks after a second, the smile on his face showing his excitement. "I think you'll find that it's one of the best you've had! I have pretty good connects."

I wasn't expecting him to get right to the coke, but can't really be surprised once I think about it. Most men I've slept with have an affinity for high sex; Why would Russell be any different?

I smile, eyeing the bag for a second before I automatically start shaking my head. I can feel Jena in the back of my mind again, just like when he whipped it out in Best Buy, but still have to try to ignore her. "No, no... I really shouldn't," I say, scrunching up my nose as if the thought of doing it wasn't so appealing. "I uhm- I have a deal with Evelyn about not doing any of that shit so she won't... it's silly, but... I also have a baby girl, and like- I don't know? I guess it's the right thing to decline."

Russell nods his head understandingly, a look of approval spreading across his face before he shoves the baggie back into his button down pocket. "Oh wow... I respect that about you, Jenalyn," he says, one side of his mouth curling up into a smile. "That's really cool to do for your little sister. And baby? No way... who's the father, if you don't mind me asking? He around?"

As I watch and listen to Russell commemorate my decision not to use the drugs he seemingly has waited so patiently to do with me, my mind goes off into a million directions.

Did I tell him my name was Jenalyn? I don't feel like I would introduce myself as Jenalyn at the Rooftop Lounge in NYC where we met... I don't recall telling him my name at all, for that matter. I just assumed he already knew who I was...

"Jenalyn?" I say after a second, my brows furrowing as I glare at him questioningly. The hairs stand up on the back of my neck as the same stalker-ish vibes I got from him before creep back into my mind. "I never told you my name was Jenalyn- I don't think I've ever even told you my actual name, to be honest..."

A few moments pass. Russell's eyes widen for a second, a look of fear in his eyes before a malignant smile spreads across his lips. I can feel my heart rate pick up as fear steadily begins to consume my mind.

I knew there was something wrong with this guy! An obsessed fan or something willing to kill me because it'll ease the psychosis!

"You caught me..." Russell says, his tone lowered and eyes piercing. I take a step back, ready to run down the hall when his loud and uproarious laugh echoes throughout the hall. "Oh my God, I got you! I'm so sorry but that was just so good! Are you really scared of me?"

His tone and look are completely back to normal, if not even more loose and relaxed than before. I keep myself guarded though, unable to say a word until he answers my question. After a few moments, he must catch on.

"Okay, okay!" He exclaims with another small laugh, holding his hands out in defense as he realizes. "I didn't want to have to tell you how... rude you were to me when I met you in New York. No, you never introduced yourself to me, okay?" he says. "You sister Evelyn though? She's said your name many many times since I've been here tonight... I just figured I'd go with the flow! That is your name, isn't it?"

I furrow my brows together for a moment as I process his words. Evelyn is having a terrible time transitioning from calling me Jena to calling me Hayden. It's kind of plausible...

Of course I would overreact to something like that- I let Jena have even the slightest bit of recognition in my mind, and I start losing it!

"Hayden..." I correct him as I let out a breath of air I had no idea I even held in. "My name is Hayden... Jenalyn is like- a nickname, I guess."

Russell nods his head, his eyes burning into me as he seemingly tries to guage how I'm feeling now that he's cleared things up.

I force a smile on my face as I let out a slightly nervous laugh. "Sorry, I-"

He cuts me off. "No, no! I'm sorry!" he exclaims, shaking his head. "Don't worry about it at all! I shouldn't have assumed. I could have just asked you, you know? And I didn't have to do the whole 'scary guy' bit with you... just thought it'd be fun, I had no idea you were actually scared!"

I nod my head, shaking off the past few minutes easily as I remind myself about the compromise I decided I'd make with Jena for turning down the drugs I know she's been longing for. I hope it's not an awkward encounter now that I assumed this man was going to kill me and all.

Russell makes his way to the bathroom after a few seconds, turning around to face me as soon as he makes it through the door. I expect him to ask me to join him- I'm kind of counting on it now that I've allowed Jena to bring her monster out for a quick bite to eat. Russell just stands there awkwardly though, the look on his face silently asking if he could have a bit of privacy.

... Oh?

Embarrased and slightly in shock, I frantically nod my head and rush down the hallway, calling back to him to turn right upon exiting the bathroom to make it back to the kitchen where the main backdoor is.

Jena is not happy. She is not happy because he monster is unhappy, and I think I have a lot to do with that...

Was it the whole name thing? Did I make things too awkward? Is he just not into me?

No- he's definitely into me... there's no way he isn't!

What is going on?!

I make it out to the backyard just as a man is ripping his own jaw off in a mirror, his terrified eyes protected onto the tall cream wall of our studio. Evelyn lays on the large daybed beneath the gazebo, her head partially covered beneath her blanket in shock and fear.

That's how I feel right now, and it has nothing to do with the movie.

I have had such good control over Jenalyn this past week because I've been micro dosing on the mind numbing meds they prescribed me during my latest stay in Miermont. Micro doses have worked because I kept her buried beneath so many layers of myself that it only took a tiny dose to keep her at bay! Now that I've let her be present in hopes of satisfying the monster I keep her locked away with, only for both opportunities she's had to be declined?

Who knows what will happen...