Jenalyn: Disconnected (#5) [Complete]

Chapter 33: Tyler

Wed. 12/31/08 • 6:04 P.M. EST

This is actually going a lot better than I thought it would. Hayden doesn't usually take well to situations like this; A small thing can usually set her off and send her down a dark path full of revenge and stupid decisions. She's actually being pretty civil considering the fact that I broke up with her last night... maybe it really was the right decision? 

I know last week I was kind of pressuring her to be with me because I've missed her these past four months and just wanted to get our family started, but maybe she was right- she's just not ready! I don't know the full story on what happened with her and Gage last night, but from what I understand Hayden, in a drunken stupor, thought he was me. I don't know if the pressure I was putting on her had anything to do with it, but she seemed sincerely confused...

Relationships are commitments, and the only thing she should be committed to right now is bettering herself. I feel like relieving the pressure of our relationship from her will limit our arguing and hopefully clear out some of the tense air that has been lingering between us. And then we can actually work on us and getting back together.

We're going to ring in the New Years right! Well... as right as we can considering everything that happened last night.

"Aren't you going with the friend? Evelyn or whatever?" I ask as I notice Hayden getting her purse together by the front door of the hotel. She wears a short silver dress with her black leather jacket and knee length boot heels. I'm sure it's an outfit Mama G would disapprove of; I should probably comment on it, if anything, to cover my ass when Mama G goes off about it. In her eyes, Hayden and I are still together. After everything I've been through with this family I'm sure that's the only way I could be a part of my daughter's life without fighting for it. 

I can't bring myself to do it though. It'd be the perfect opportunity for Hayden to throw the fact that we're not together in my face and start acting foolish. 

"Nope. She left earlier," she says, her voice short and uninterested. She's slightly intoxicated, but I'm not supposed to know about it. She doesn't bother to look at me when she continues. "I'm going to the longue for a while to scope things out. The party doesn't start until 8, so... I'll meet you up there I guess."

Great.

I wasn't a big fan of Hayden deciding to start throwing shots back as soon as she opened her eyes today, but I dealt with it because, well... if she didn't listen to me as her man, why would she listen to me as an ex? I wasn't too happy when she told me her and the friend were going to head up the lounge early either. First off, this event is pretty exclusive. Hayden and I are on the list; This Evelyn chick is not. Hayden can pull whatever she's got to pull to get her in, but let's be honest here- Evelyn doesn't exactly 'look the type' for an event like this. The only reason I didn't put a stop to it then was because I knew Hayden with a friend was less likely to get into any bullshit than Hayden by herself.

"What do you mean she left?" I ask, pulling myself from the livingroom couch to make my way over to where she still stand by the front door. "Like went up there already? If she's not going up with you, wait for me to get dressed then. I won't bug you or anything, I just want to make sure you're good is all."

Hayden let's out a small chuckle. I can't tell if it's intended to be snarky or not, but ignore it. "I don't need a babysitter, Ty, but thanks," she says as she finally turns to me. She looks beautiful, as always. I almost can't stand to look at her knowing this is how things are going between us. She hoists her purse over her shoulder and rests her weight on one leg. "I know you think I do because I have the tendency to get into some shit when unattended, but... I'm surprisingly uninterested! I'm just here for a good time. A vacation!"

Though they cause a little relief, her words fuck with my head a little. I should be happy to find that, suddenly, Hayden is "uninterested" in getting into any bullshit- but I can't help my mind from wandering and questioning why she was so interested before, while we were together. Hayden has cheated on me, relapsed, ran away, and lied about the things she did for as long as I've been with her. That was the kind of shit she would get into. And now, less than 12 hours after I've put us on hold because she hurt me too much, she is "uninterested?" 

It's for the better, I tell myself as I take a breath before responding. These are the first steps in the right direction for us. I have to learn to trust her.

"Oh... okay!" I say clearing my throat. I nod my head before turning around to head back to the couch. "Just... text me if you need me, I guess. I'll head up around a quarter to 7 before the media coverage shows up."

Hayden mumbles something affirmative before grabbing a few more things and heading out the door. I'm left sitting in the livingroom of our suite wondering if I made the right decision.

If I've made the right decisions.

On one hand, I know I had to break things off the way I did. Hayden will always do the same things if I don't show her that she needs to stop to keep the things she wants. I know Hayden loves me. I know she wants me, and to happily be with me... I have to show her that her actions have consequences! How else is she supposed to get better? We can't keep running in the same circles, this shit is driving me nuts! 

On the other hand though... Hayden is a little too unpredictable for me to attempt to take on this role...

She could be doing anything up there! I'm sure there are at least a dozen men who would be interested in a quick hook up with an intoxicated and sex addicted female tonight! I'm sure there is more than enough access to drugs she's obviously had a hard time turning down in the past! I'm sure she could finesse a few too many shots from the tip-fiending bartenders trying to make their best impression on all of the celebrities in attendance tonight! 

This event is public; It's televised nationwide! The last thing any of us needs is Hayden pulling one of her stunts tonight...

Can I trust her?