Jenalyn: Disconnected (#5) [Complete]

Chapter 58: Hayden

Sun. 2/1/09 • 12:21 A.M. PST

I think we're making love... am I in love with Russ? Or is this just what sex is like when it's not Jenalyn's monster taking the reign?

I can't even remember a time before her monster was that influencial in my sex life...

This feels different. I haven't felt it in... so long. His touch sends shivers rushing throughout my body. Everywhere he plants his lips is left longing for more. I can feel the heat of his passion in his every move, and my body can't help but beg for more.

Russ has carried me to his bedroom, assumingly the last stop in the tour of his house that we so effortlessly cut short. I lay on his oversized bed on a soft white down blanket, my favorite kind, while his hands and lips explore every inch of my half naked body. 

"You really are just... amazing," Russ, kneeling between my legs at the foot of the bed, looks up from my small belly to say with a grin. He leans back down to kiss both of my hips before continuing. "I had a feeling I was going to fall for you, beautiful, but... not this hard... this might be a problem..."

A giggle escapes through my soft moans, but I don't even have the time to respond before the feel of his hands peeling down my lace panties deems me breathless.

Hot lips make their way from one hip right across to the other before grazing the soft skin of my hood. I feel my body quiver as he does it again, this time going down a little further. His hands travel from my sides to my hips, pulling me further and further down the bed. Before I know it, I feel his soft lips and scruffy beard along my slit.

I know I'm soaked already. 

I feel him groan in gratification when he's met with it. His tongue is quick to find it's way between my lips, his mustache and beard tickling me in all the right places. I moan, louder than intended, but feel Russ grow more worked up over it. His hot tongue glides effortlessly across my clit, his pace slow, but pressure strong- a perfect combination.

"Russ!" I gasp, gritted teeth through the pressure of pleasure quickly building in my groin. My hands find their way to his long hair. They run through it on both sides before I uncontrollably grab two fistfuls to steady his head while I raise and lower my hips. 

He feels so good. 

I throw my head back in ecstasy, my eyes landing on an alarm clock he has sitting on the right side of his bed. 

12:30? Evelyn was supposed to call me around 12...

Russ, more worked up now that I've grown so close to cumming, flicks his tongue at a faster pace. 

I should just keep enjoying it; Maybe McKaiden is growing out of her 12'o'clock on the dot feeding? It's probably nothing to worry about...

I can't help but worry though. Suddenly, everything that could go wrong leaving Ev home with the baby goes wrong in my head. I can't think about anything else. 

Right before I feel myself tipping over the edge of orgasm, I sit myself up, pulling away from him. I can see on his face that he's surprised, possibly offended, but more than anything? Concerned.

"You okay?" he asks, wiping his mouth and taking a breath to assumingly recalibrate himself. 

I nod my head though a sick feeling replaces the heat that settled in my belly just moments ago. "Yeah- yeah..." I stammer, flashbacks to the day I gave birth suddenly flooding my mind. They come in such quick succession I can't even wrap my head around the fact that I know they're just memories. "I just- I have to check on my babies. They're not safe without me-"

Russ interrupts me, his brows furrowed in concern. "Babies? Like- like your daughter?" he asks, his tone concerned. "I thought you said your sister had her? Why wouldn't she be safe?"

It takes a moment for me to respond. I have to spend quite a few seconds trying to get my head back in the right space. 

I'm at Russ' house, not a hospital in Pennsylvania that I have no idea how I ended up in. McKaiden is... alive. She's at my house with Evelyn, the same girl that saved her life when all else was rooting against her.

Dane is... missing. He's gone. He took what he wanted from me, and walked out of my life.

Everything is okay...

"I- I don't know..." I can't help but stutter. I let out a nervous laugh in attempt to try to cover it up. Part of me wants to spend time to recognize that, even mid sex, this man is more concerned about how I mentally feel than the actual sex itself. A trait like that is also sort of new for me. Aside from Ty (Gage in some ways too), everybody else I've been with had been way more concerned about getting in my pants. "She was supposed to call me at 12 when the baby woke up, and I don't think she's reached out. I was just-"

He interrupts me again, this time with a laugh as if he were watching the cutest thing ever. "Is this your first kid?" he asks, an amused look on his face. I nod my head, my nerves probably visible on my face despite my efforts to hide it. He let's out another small laugh before responding. "I figured; My younger sister was the same way with her first kid. Always worried about the baby, paranoid about what was going on with him anytime she had to leave him with a sitter... it took her until my nephew was three before she could actually leave him without all the worries. Her second kid though? My niece? Two months. It was a completely different story!"

I laugh with him as he finishes, but my mind still can't completely let the worries about McKaiden go. A few moments pass with both of us uncertain about what to do from here. I want to call Evelyn... check on McKaiden. Hell, maybe even just head there in case something really is wrong! 

"I didn't mean to pull you away from your babygirl," Russ says after a few minutes. He shrugs his shoulders. "I've honestly just been thinking about spending this night with you for a while now... wanted to take advantage while work was a little slow. You... you want me to take you home? I can always... save this for another time..."

He sounds disappointed, but there's a look on his face I can't quite put my finger on too. 

Am I being dramatic about this? 

Evelyn would call me if there were something wrong, right? Maybe she just thought I'd be too busy doing exactly what I'm doing to answer her call, so she left it out all together? I can just give her a call when we're done...

I don't know- all I know is that Russ is expecting an answer, and that I'm just sitting here with my pants off like an idiot.

"I think we're okay..." I mutter, trying to brush the irrational thoughts from my head so I can get back to this moment I was having with Russ. I let myself fall back down onto his mattress, reaching my arms out until I can pull him up on top of me. "I guess I just got... nervous? It's been a while since I've done this... I'm just like, in hyperdrive I guess!" 

A smile returns to his face as he shrugs his shoulders. "You sure?" he asks.

I nod my head. I have to be sure! I don't have Jena's influences right now, no... but I do have Hayden.

I am Hayden!

And I'm okay. Everything is okay.