Jenalyn: Disconnected (#5) [Complete]

Chapter 84: Evelyn

Tues. 3/17/09 • 10:01 P.M. PST

Thank fucking goodness this baby sleeps mostly straight through the night; I don't think I could handle much more of this without ripping into the baggy Russ left me. 

I've held off all day while dealing with this kid. I've dealt with the screaming, the crying, the feeding, the changing, the slobbering... I've dealt with it all, and haven't even touched the stash waiting in my room.

Unbelievable, right? 

That doesn't mean it hasn't been all up and down my mind though. It doesn't mean I wasn't counting down the hours until I could put the kid the fuck to bed so I could indluge!

Jena drunkenly rambles about McKaiden's morning routine on the other end of my phone, but all I can think about is how to usher her off of it. She was only supposed to call to say goodnight, deeming me free for the night, but the conversation has been dragging on due to her intoxicated state.

"Okay, Jena!" I sigh into the phone with an eyeroll I know she can't see. I try to cover it with a quick laugh but it comes out more impatient than anything. Thank God she's too hammered to notice. "You're drunk! You know I know all of this already! Let's just... let's wrap it up!"

Jena laughs as I finish; I don't know if she's laughing at me or whatever it is she has blasting in the background of our call. I don't even care, I just want to get off of it already. 

"Okay, goodbye Jena!" I exclaim loud enough to cut through her laughter. I don't even bother waiting for her to respond before I continue. "Goodnight! I'll talk to you tomorrow!" 

Jena says something along the lines of goodnight before abruptly hanging up her phone. I let out a sigh of relief as I make my way back to my room to grab the baggy and a change of clothes. 

It's go time.

Jena has told me numerous times that I could feel free to utilize her master bathroom for a "relaxing spa night" any time she's out of town. I'd never taken her up on the offer because I didn't care for how bougie she sounded offering it, and because of my new found general fear of tubs filled with water. I've had it on my mind all day today though. 

I suppose a relaxing spa night isn't so terrible after the day I've had. Especially with the party favors I'll be bringing into the mix...

I push open her bathroom door and flick on the cloudy overhead light with a deep breath. My body fiends for whatever it is contained in the baggy I got from Russ. I don't know what it is, but I need it so bad my fingers tremble as I toss my clothes onto her bathroom counter and tear into it. 

Pills. 

I don't care to check what kind before I crush them up on her counter. I don't bother to separate the different ones before scraping all of the powder together. I barely think twice before snorting every last particle in a single breath. 

This is... definitely relaxing...

Maybe a little too relaxing? 

I rush to the cabinet Jena told me contains her bath products, grab whatever I can, and make my way back to her jacuzzi bathtub. After mindlessly making myself a hot bath, I climb in and let myself sink until Lavendar scented bubbles form a mane around my head. 

This feels good...

It doesn't take long for my mind to start to wander. Whatever Russ gave me is definitely fast acting; That, or I'm losing time already...

Time... time... 

My mind is endless but contains nothing except the thought of time. Time just slipping away... like... like sand through fingers. 

Fingers?

I have fingers!

I wriggle them beneath the hot water, small ripples forming on the surface of the shallow water I've allowed myself to fill the tub with. 

I don't even feel my fingers anymore... they just melt into the steamy water... and evaporate into the air through thick bellowing clouds of steam.

I'm evaporating...

I close my eyes and let the rest of my body start its melting process. It feels... blissful. It's everything I need right now! Every atom of my being starts to slowly separate from the others; It tickles! My skin tingles with the process. I feel... weightless.

I'm floating... floating into the air. I never want to stop...

I never want to stop... 

I won't stop. I don't think I could if I tried...