The Broken Blonde

Chapter Ninety-Nine

Voldemorts voice broke my trance, it wasn't something you'd ever want to hear, something I never thought I would for He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named wasn't to be spoken about yet the mark on my arm still pulsated as a permanent reminder of the choice I made. Hesitantly I pushed my way through the crowd with my head held down in shame feeling peoples stares shooting right through me, but I couldn't face looking at them. Instead, I stood in silence trying to keep my breathing steady as I forced myself to look up at what I was apart of, and what I saw was no longer a school but a war zone.

Everyone was parted, both good and evil I assumed making me feel unwanted, I of course didn't belong on the side that fought against the people I joined so who was I to stand amongst them. The entire courtyard was nothing but mere ruins, the once well lit corridors gloomy and dull reflecting that of the sky, the archways and pillars had fallen and the ground was covered in piles of stone and cobble all remains of what was left of the castle. Striding proudly towards us were The Dark Lords followers all with a sly smirk on their face, they had won. We won. I still wasn't able to distinguish that I was one of them because simply, I don't believe I am, it was a way to show my dedication towards someone who was no longer with me, it was a waste.

"Harry Potter is dead." I stared into nothing as I heard screams and cries erupt from around me, I told myself I wasn't allowed to react, I shouldn't when I took no part in fighting for the right side. Moments ago he saved us from a fate I'd have preferred but I've always resented him for his loyalty, seeing what he'd given up for the sake of other people made me feel weak, while he was risking his life I was busy bickering over something so profound you'd have thought it'd be important.

"From this day forth, you put your faith in me." The crowd went silent, their eyes glued to the limp body that was laying lifelessly in Hagrids arms, even from so far away I could see the pain taking a toll on his expression.

"Harry Potter is dead." Voldemort repeated, this time more enthusiastic turning towards his followers as he raised his hands in delight gesturing for them to follow his lead. An uproar of laughs and cheers sounded from them, Bellatrixs being the most prominent, it made me clench my fists and tense my body. The side I stood on was silent, not a word or whisper made itself known, everyone was still in shock. Though the laughs came to an abrupt halt as Voldemort silenced them now facing his audience with an expression that'd make anyone feel uncomfortable.

"And now is the time to declare yourself, come forward and join us. Or die" There were faint mutters coming from around me all exchanging weary glances, but everyone remained still, not a single person moved all just staring back blankly at Voldemort, they had fought their battle but what was the use if at the end of it all they decided to give in. It was a type of bravery I could only admire but my palms became sweaty as my pulse began to speed up knowing I was the odd one out, I was the only person who didn't belong.

I glanced around my eyes meeting those who looked back at me, I wanted so badly to stand my ground but just couldnt bring myself to stare back at them and confidently say I contributed because frankly I done the opposite. I turned to my side and reached out my hand expecting to feel his cold but safe touch assuring me that it was our time to leave but the longer I waited the more it settled that hand I needed so desperately at this moment ceased to exist. It was a decision I was forced to make on my own, I didn't have Draco to make it for me.

"Y/n" The gentle voice echoed through the entire courtyard breaking the silence, my heart dropped as I noticed everyone turn their heads towards the person who spoke. I followed their direction my eyes landing on Narcissa who stood anxiously in the midst of the crowd, everyones head turned towards her as she took a slight step forward her eyes glued on me the entire time not once looking at the people around her. Though her arms were by her side I could tell she too was so desperate to feel assured that she wasn't alone, she had lost both her son and husband and couldn't bare losing me.

I held back for as long as I could glancing around for some sort of indication for me to stay, the slightest gesture that I was wanted but I wasn't surprised to see that there was nothing. I had no reason to hold back any longer when the only person I had left was across from me waiting to take me in as their own. Though as I turned my eyes met Lunas bright blue pupils now contrasting greatly with the blood shot that masked them, they looked at me blankly to broken to plead.

"Y/n, come." Narcissas voice was like a green light ushering me that it was time, I bowed my head in defeat and gulped knowing that once I took a step there was no going back, I would walk out cowardly to the side I was now trapped in. Though I had no other choice, nowhere to go, Narcissa was now my comfort blanket that I couldn't part from. I stumbled down the steps my head held down towards my chest feeling eyes on every part of me, it was an awful feeling, almost as if I were doing the walk of shame as I parted from the crowd now drawing closer to the man I tried so hard to avoid.

"Ah, well done Y/n." Without saying a word, I froze standing directly in front of the Dark Lord staring into the soulless depths of his eyes sending an ice cold chill down my entire body. I watched as his arms raised pulling me into an embrace, I wanted so badly reject it, but I couldn't bring myself to move feeling sick as I felt his reptile like skin brush against my neck lingering awkwardly as I stood motionless. "Well done." He repeated, everything about it felt off, forced, an act he put on to show how accepting he was when in reality it was a threat to those who refused to give in.

After what felt like a lifetime of shame, he finally pulled away leaving me feeling physically sick, everything about him disgusted me in a way I couldn't even begin to describe. I didn't open my eyes instead I stood for a moment trying in every way to come to my senses and shake of the lingering feeling of repulse I had towards him yet somehow, I felt obligated to comply. Knowing you deserve something was a twisted way of coming to accept it and though it may not look it, the humiliation felt necessary.

It wasn't until I felt a hand on my shoulder when I decided to open my eyes, I looked down at the floor as the hand guided me over to the other side. My throat was as dry as my eyes having cried out all of the moisture, my entire body trembled as I walked feebly with her guidance coming to a halt by the side of the crowd. I couldn't bring myself to look up not even the slightest bit, I forced myself to stare blankly at the rubble on the ground in attempt to try and forget what was going on around me.

Narcissas soft grip loosened as it slowly trailed from one shoulder to the other drawing me in close as she gently rubbed my arm, thats when I decided to look up. What I saw was a different viewpoint, staring at the faces of those who I was once among, those who chose to stand their ground. Seeing people just as hurt as you weighed you down even more, yet the only difference was that I now had someone standing next to me and unlike the rest she wanted me. I looked away, both the faces and the castle reminding me of what I'm walking away from, Narcissa noticed and without saying a word pulled me in closer. My head buried weakly into her chest returning to where I once rejected, I avoided her comfort that much I was lured back.

I couldn't help but think about what I'm leaving behind, but the reality is that I will grieve forever, I won't get over the loss but I'll learn to live with it.