The Broken Blonde

Chapter Sixty

After what happened that night Draco and I didn't talk much, for the past four days I haven't seen much of him mostly keeping to myself, I knew whatever I would have said would have most likely resulted into an argument and that was the last thing I wanted. It was a big house, so it was quite easy to get lost in or I our case avoid each other, it wasn't like we were mad at one another we just knew that the minute we were alone together we'd both be thinking of the exact same thing and we didnt want to relive that night again.

It took a huge toll on me more than I would have thought, seeing someone get killed right in front of your eyes and not doing anything about it would mess anyone up but 'supporting' the person who killed them was just as bad. At first I wasnt able to process what happened but when I'd sleep her corpse was all I'd see, I would force myself to not think about anything because I knew as soon as I was left with my own thoughts I'd break. And I wandered if Draco felt the same.

I switched off all sense of emotion making my whole body numb, I refused to give into them again since I now realised this was now constant and for me to survive being apart of the Death Eaters I needed to accept it. 'Pull yourself together Y/n', I must repeat this at least five times a day, feeling emotions wore me out and if I carried on the way I was there wouldn't be much left off me. So I acted as if I was fine, I wanted nothing to affect me, I didn't want Draco thinking I wasn't capable of being here.

The sun slowly went down, well what was left of the sun and I began to make my way towards my bedroom but as I walked down the dimly lit hall I caught eye of what seemed to be Dracos room, the door slightly open. What caught my eye was the tall dark oak bookshelf that was stood next to his wardrobe, the intricately carved cabinet held many books all looking just as old as this house though one caught my eye, it was green with a gold rim and looked very familiar.

I glanced around to see if anyone was nearby before heading hesitantly opening the door, luckily Draco wasn't there so I headed straight for the bookshelf and picked up the small green book. As I retrieved it from the shelf and turned it facing towards me my heart sunk, 'Y/n Ceradwin' was engraved in gold detailing on the front, It was my diary. I sat down on his bed feeling quite faint at the thought of it being in his possession never mind him reading it, I flicked through the pages instantly regretting everything I wrote since the majority was about him. Thats when I heard the door creak open.

"Y/n, what are you doing in my-" Draco glanced down at the diary I was holding and his eyes widened

"Why do you have this, Draco why do you have my diary?" I quickly stood up and stormed towards him tightly gripping the small book

"I thought I left it at Hogwarts, why did I find it sitting on your bookshelf? Have you-"

"No Ceradwin, I haven't read it, I brought it with me just before we went up to the astronomy tower" He said sternly, but the more I thought about what I wrote the more it made sense.

"Liar, of course you read it, otherwise why else wouldn't you have given it to me" Draco seemed to be offended that I refused to believe him, his eyes narrowing in disbelief.

"Don't be so ridiculous, I'd forgotten about it, you wouldnt think I'd honestly sit there and take time to read your sob stories" Everything he was saying was going through one ear and out the other, I was addiment he read it.

"How could I be so stupid, you knew all this time how I felt about you because I wrote it all in this shitty book" I flung the book around regretting everything I wrote in it, he knew I'd always come running back.

"You wrote about me?" He acted as if he were completely clueless and for a moment it looked sort of convincing, but I couldnt possibly believe hes had it in his room all this time and didnt once skim through it.

"Did I write about you? Noo, its not like theres pages upon pages of me explaining how confused you make me, you know what Draco keep the fucking book theres clearly nothing else I have to lose" I shoved the book into his chest and looked up at him, he held the book close glancing down at it then back up at me.

I stormed off back to my bedroom and flung myself on the bed hiding under the covers in shame, I was completely mortified, I must just be some sort of joke to him. I curled up with the cover over my head and eventually drifted off just to be woken up by someone knocking on my door not so soon after. Narcissa gently cracked open my door and asked if I'd seen Draco, but when she saw that I didn't respond she presumed I was asleep and left.

As soon as I heard her reach the end of the hall I got up and crept downstairs, I made my way to the kitchen and poured myself a water but just as I was about to go back up the stairs I saw that the front door was slightly open. Curious, I approached it and stepped out onto the front porch, there back towards me sat Draco silently on the steps. I contemplated whether I even wanted to bother making myself known but thought I should let him know that his mother was looking for him.

"Your mothers looking for you, you know" I said faintly while taking a seat on the step next to him, but he didn't answer, instead sitting quietly his head facing the ground. Though just as I stood up and make my way to the door, he spoke.

"I didn't read it Ceradwin" I sighed and turned to see his back still facing away from me, for some reason this time, I believed him.

"Then why didn't you?" I asked, it fell silent for a moment before he spoke again

"Because I didn't need to" What he said confused me, so I walked back once again taking a seat next to him

"What do you mean you didn't need to?" I looked at him intently, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion

"I don't need to read your diary to know how you feel Y/n, I mean I can already read you just by the way you look at me" He said as his eyes met mine, I wasn't ale to deny the fact he was probably right, no matter how hard I tried he always managed to know.

"Please, I'm not that easy to read" I scoffed as I looked down at the floor trying to deny what turned out to be the truth.

"You're just proving my point Ceradwin, don't try and deny it" His finger traced my cheek and pushed my chin to face him, his head tilted smugly as I grew redder in the face.

"I hate you" I sneered shoving his hand off my face storming back through the front door

"This diary will tell me otherwise" He shouted, 'shit' I muttered