My Somewhat Forbidden Love

15

I've been thinking the whole time since my mother and I spoke. I love Nathan, actually no. I'm in love with him. There's certain feelings he makes me get whether it's the butterflies in my stomach when he says my name, or the heart pounding I hear when he said he loved me. Could he truly mean it? Or is it unvalued to him. I know that I mean it but I can't let him know that yet, he will crush me when I tell him my secret.

If I truly love him I have to tell him, no matter what is gained or lost. My conscience is eating me alive. I can't help but think of the lie I've told him. Although my age is a major part, everything else I've told him was true.

My feelings for him at this point are undeniable. And he's been opening up to me, and has been there for me this entire year. And I have yet to tell him this. I have nobody to blame but myself, although I do have my reasons.

I'm scared he's going to be upset, and choose to leave me. He has every reason to and I understand that, but I've grown so attached to him and it'll hurt like a b*tch seeing him leave. But he deserves to know the truth. If I truly loved him, I wouldn't keep on with this lie. But I'm running out of time. When he gets back I'll tell him. Whatever happens was meant to be and I can't force him to stay, I'm the one at wrong here.

I see my puppy Andy come in the room and jump on my lap. I hug him tightly and see his tail wagging.

"You won't leave me buddy will you?" I laugh to myself asking why I'm talking to my dog. But at this point I'm practically on my own.

Later on Yasmin comes over to my house and I'm glad because if I didn't talk to anyone I'd go mad.

"Hey sugar what's up?" She says as she smiles and jumps on my bed.

"Nothing really, just pensive."

"About the Nathan thing?"

"Yeah, I'm thinking of telling him."

"That's a huge step, you must trust him loads then. Do you think you guys are going to get serious? Because if not then there's no reason to go through all that, no need to tell him."

"I would like to think we can be serious, but he's not the dating type. and even if we aren't, I would still like to tell him. It's been picking away at my brain for a long while now. I'm scared Yas." I look over at her studying my face intently.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Madison, you care about him a lot. Anyone can see it. You should tell him, who knows maybe it won't be that bad. But again still prepare for the worst. And if he chooses to leave? That's on him because he's missing out."

She looks at me smiling and I can't help but plaster a fake smile on my face back. Although she might he right, I can't help but feel it might just be the end of what might have been, the best thing that's ever happened to me.